On Your Heart

וְהָיוּ הַדְּבָרִים הָאֵלֶּה, אֲשֶׁר אָנֹכִי מְצַוְּךָ הַיּוֹם–עַל-לְבָבֶךָ
You’re not supposed to sail through a crisis.
It’s a crisis.
It’s a long, painful, emptying slogging.
It makes sense this hurts and it is not easy.
I promise you can say this and you won’t disappear:
It is so hard to be here today.
Alive is not a continuous rainbow.
It’s just not.
Loss is real. We are losing so many people to illness each day. 
We can be bereft. 
And speechless.
We can hate that we don’t know.
We can scream and rant and feel hurt and betrayed that there is no end date in sight and that’s so scary.
It is okay to be really scared right now.
You don’t have to have the right words or any words to describe what you’re feeling.
Yes, your life is important.
You are important even if you feel you are messing everything up (including Life) in this moment.
You do not have to fill up your holes.
Any. Single. One.
You can dump out the advice, the prayers, the words, the glares, anything, that people gave that does not currently sit right on your heart.
You don’t have to live anyone else’s life.
You can, broken apart no fixing, live your own.
And you can matter always and anyways.
Any ways.

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