I Check In With Her Every Day

a view of the sky over Mt Sinai
I check in with her every day,
and am terrified when she doesn’t respond.
Each moment, I think of her there,
thousands of miles away, in uniform,
fighting for her country and her people.


I miss walking through the streets of Jerusalem
by her side, talking about stupid jokes
we saw on the internet the night before.


I miss the tea-filled nights, and conversations
in my hotel room when the others were out drinking.
I miss the talks about boys we had,
And all the struggles we bonded over every day.


We only spent a week together before I left.
We had little time together before I went away.
And now she is there, left behind,
fighting for her life and her family.
Fighting for every person she ever knew,
Because their lives are truly at stake in this.


I check in with her every day,
and am terrified when she doesn’t respond.
If she takes too long to text me back,
I fear the worst, and when she misses a day,
I descend into chaos in my mind, fearing she is gone.


She fights for her life, while I panic in my room,
thousands of miles away, in plain clothes,
safe in a country where I don’t worry about war.


I miss the sun in the desert, and the expanses,
the River Jordan, and the Port of Haifa.
I miss the days in Israel before the gates opened up,
and everyone descended into chaos and misery.
The streets of Tiberius call to me, even now.
The gentle breeze in Be’er Sheva beckons me.


I miss the talks, and presentations, the hikes,
the swims, and the long bus rides across the country.
Traversing from the desert to the sea in an hour.
Feeding camels, and floating in the Dead Sea.
I miss everything about Israel that called me there,
And now I, like the wall, am wailing in agony.
Like the call of Lamentations, I am left to wonder
I check in with her every day,
and I am terrified, even when she does respond…
I am terrified…
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