Prelude to Kaddish

Written for a friend who was abused by his father, and was in anguish on how the approach his father’s yahrzeit.

Prelude to Kaddish

I am humbled for the permission to address You.
“One is obligated to bless God for the evil
As one blesses God for the good” (1)
“God gives and God takes away
May the name of God be blessed
Now and forever. ” (2)
Your giving is usually the good
Your taking, the evil.

On this yahrtzeit I express to You that the opposite is true.
The giving was cruel, tormenting and abusive.
Your creations can be that way.
The taking away- a relief.
A chance to muster the remnants of my dignity,
To struggle and heal my body and human spirit,
To release my soul to do Your work.

On this yahrzeit, the cause for celebration and sadness are confused
If for You there is clarity, For me: “Im tov, im rah” (3) The good spawns also bad
The bad spawns also good. (4)
Daunting complexity.
“Cursed Haman”, blessed Haman (5)
Intoxicating madness.

But I must bless You for both.
For the good, for the evil,
For all that my life comprises,
For his “loss”; for me a gain,
For giving
And for taking away

“May the name of God be blessed now and forever.” (2)
Yisgadal vi’yiskaddash sh’mei rabba.”

(1) Berachos 33B, (2) Job 1:21 / burial prayer, (3) Koheles 12:14, (4) Chagiga 5A, (5) Megilah 7B

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