For Nitzan
Holy One of Blessing,
I have fallen so many times
I’m not sure how to stand before You
But hineni, here I am, standing
on shaking legs as I prepare
to enter recovery
God, I am here with You
but I am afraid of myself
afraid my next fall will suck me down
into the dark hole where not even You
can reach me.
I was trying to bury my shame and longing
my sorrow, my suffering, I just started digging
the emptiness swallowed me
but I am trying to climb out.
I am trying to return to You.
If I start to slip again,
help me see Your light
Remind me that You have been inside
my darkness all along.
Steady my hand as I reach for Yours.
Strengthen my grip as I climb, remind me
that I’m not alone, and that light
and wholeness are mine to hold
if I do the work to grasp them.
God, turn Your face toward mine
as I face my own pain, the hurt I tried to bury
in the hole I’m leaving behind
as I seek recovery.
Blessed are You, God, who recovers and redeems
those of us who are ready to recover and redeem ourselves.
