The traditional Birkat Erusin says:
You abound in blessing, Adonai, our God, sovereign of the universe, that has
sanctified us by Your commandments and commanded us concerning [forbidden]
intimate relationships and forbidden to us those women who are [only] betrothed
with erusinLit. Betrothal Once a separate ceremony, but now a segment of the contemporary wedding ceremony., but permitted to us those women who are married to us by HuppahMarriage canopy symbolizing the couple's new home.
and KiddushinThe first part of the traditional wedding service in which the groom acquires the bride by giving her a small token, usually a ring, and declaring that she is betrothed to him according to Mosaic law. Today, most non-Orthodox couples have made this ceremony egalitarian, exchanging rings and empowering the bride to speak too. Some, disliking the property aspects of the ceremony, have dispensed with it altogether, substituting a brit shutafut – a partnership covenant.. We praise You, Adonai, that sanctifies the people IsraelLit. ''the one who struggles with God.'' Israel means many things. It is first used with reference to Jacob, whose name is changed to Israel (Genesis 32:29), the one who struggles with God. Jacob's children, the Jewish people, become B'nai Israel, the children of Israel. The name also refers to the land of Israel and the State of Israel. (by huppah and kiddushin).
בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה אֲדֹנָי אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם אֲשֶׁר קִדְּשָׁנוּ בְּמִצְוֹתָיו וְצִוָּנוּ עַל הָעֲרָיוֹת וְאָסַר לָנוּ אֶת הָאֲרוּסוֹת וְהִתִּיר לָנוּ אֶתְ הַנְּשׂוּאוֹת לָנוּ עַל יְדֵי חֻפָּה וְקִדוּשִׁין. ׂׂבָּרוּךְ אַתָּה אֲדֹנָי מְקַדֵּשׁ (עַמּוֹ) יִשְׂרָאֵל (עַל יְדֵי חֻפָּה וְקִדוּשִׁין
Transliteration:
Barukh atah Adonay eloheynu melekh haolam asher kidshanu b’mitzvotav v’tzivanu al ha’arari’ot v’asar lanu et ha’arusot v’hitir lanu et han’suot lanu al y’dey huppah v’kidushin. Barukh atah Adonay m’kadesh (amo) Yisrael (al y’dey khupah v’kidushin).
The traditional brakhah presents several problems for many of us:
1. Heterosexism:
“עריות/Forbidden intimate relationships” is a category deriving from Leviticus 18 which can easily be understood to include same-sex unions, as it does in Leviticus.
2. Sexism:
The brakhahA blessing is stated in terms of the sexual availability of women for men, who are the normative “we” referred to in the brakhah.
3. Anachronism:
The prohibition of sex in the period between erusin/kiddushin and nisuin/huppah that is the halachicAnything related to the Jewish law tradition known as halacha. focus of this brakhah stopped making sense about 700 years ago when the two ceremonies were combined into the present single wedding ceremony. It makes even less sense in the context of contemporary sexual practices, in which most couples have been intimate before the wedding.
Nonetheless, the brakhah expresses several ideas I think worth expressing at the wedding ceremony. These ideas are elucidated well in Rabbi Maurice Lamm’s The Jewish Way in Love and Marriage. They are (in my words, not Lamm’s):
1. The term עריות literally means “nakednesses” and rightly points to the vulnerability that is involved in sexual relationships and that demands particular ethical attention.
2. Committed relationships involve contractual rights and obligations, but are more than mere contracts. The traditional brakhah expresses this by stating the necessity, but insufficiencey of erusin/kiddushin, the contractual part of the wedding.
3. The ritual affirmation of the commitments of our relationships is one way in which Jews bring holiness into our lives.
In order to address the problems, but maintain those three teachings, I’ve composed the following version of the brakhah, whose sources will be explained below:
You abound in blessing, Adonai, our God, sovereign of the universe, who has forbidden us to distress others through intimacy and has commanded us concerning the consecration of kiddushin, and who accompanies consecrated couples to the wedding canopy. We praise You, Adonai, that sanctifies the people Israel.
בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְיָ אֱלֹהֵֽינוּ מֶֽלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, אֲשֶׁר אָֽסַר לָֽנוּ לִצְרֹר לְגַלּוֹת עֶרְוָה וְצִוָּנוּ עַל הַקִּדּוּשִׁין,
וּמַכְנִיס אֶת הַמְּקֻדַּשׁוֹת וְהַמְּקֻדַּשִׁים לְחֻפַּת הַנִּישוּאִין. בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְיָ, מְקַדֵּשׁ יִשְׂרָאֵל.
:Transliteration
Barukh atah Adonay eloheynu melekh haolam asher eysar kanu litzror l’galot eyrvah v’tzivanu al hakidushin, u’makhnis et ham’kudeshot v’ham’kudeshim l’khupah hanisuin. Barukh atah Adonay m’kadesh Yisrael.
The phrase “to distress others through intimacy / לצרר לגלות ערוה” is based on Leviticus 18:18, which prohibits marriage to two sisters. The phrase is used here to affirm a prohibition of using sex to another’s distress, while avoiding the hurtful aspects of the category עריות in the traditional brakhah.
The second sentence expresses the necessity of the contractual (kiddushin) aspect of marriage by affirming God’s having commanded it, but also expresses its insufficiency through the image of God bringing couples to the huppah, symbol of the “other part” of marriage. That image draws on a midrashA rabbinic method of interpreting text, often through the telling of stories. (Kohelet Rabbah 7:7, TalmudThe rabbinic compendium of lore and legend composed between 200 and 500 CE. Study of the Talmud is the focus of rabbinic scholarship. The Talmud has two versions, the main Babylonian version (Bavli) and the smaller Jerusalem version (Yerushalmi). It is written in Rabbinic Hebrew and Aramaic. Berachot 61a, Eruvin 18b) depicting God as the “shushvin” at the wedding of AdamAdam is the first human being created by God. Symbolizes: Creation, humankind. and EveEve, according to the book of Genesis, is Adam's wife, the first woman to be created..
