Before I Lost My Hair: Reflection on Psalm 90

 

RachelLavan's younger daughter and Jacob's beloved wife second wife (after he is initially tricked into marrying her older sister, Leah). Rachel grieves throughout her life that she is barren while Leah is so fertile. Ultimately, Rachel gives birth to Joseph and dies in childbirth with Benjamin. Rachel is remembered as compassionate (she is said to still weep for her children), and infertile women often invoke Rachel as a kind of intercessor and visit her tomb on the road to Bethlehem. Lopez Rosenberg reflects on losing her hair due to cancer treatments in this spoken poem. This heart wrenching animation is an interpretation of Psalm 90. 

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Lyrics

Before I lost my hair, before needles and catheters
we walked the dog each morning, our legs stretched 
towards the breaking sun. New light catching
faithful hands, gold wedding rings, future promises.

But now You have turned my marrow, 
this body barely a shelter.

The hallways are empty. We feel your subtle darkness.

Tell me you watch me as I lie among IV lines and beeping infusion machines
You have given so many gifts and yet all of this waiting— 
the next test, another morsel of news.

What are you doing, Elusive One, while I wait for new cells to grow?

I thought I would have more time
So many like to say this too shall pass
but it is this life that passes before us like an afternoon shadow

Thinking of those mornings,
the coffee dripping in the pot, my eyes smart.
When they open again my life will be over

How long before I am all dried up?
Every day a miracle. Every night a question.
Will You wake me in the morning? 

Is this how you teach me to number my days? 

Knower of secrets, return me to myself.
These hands, this ring—they want to honor Your name.

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http://www.g-dcast.com/psalms
Animated by Charlie Corriea
A G-dcast Production
http://www.g-dcast.com

Producer: Jeremy Shuback

Executive Producer: SarahThe first matriarch, wife of Abraham, and mother of Isaac, whom she birthed at the age of 90. Sarah, in Rabbinic tradition, is considered holy, beautiful, and hospitable. Many prayers, particularly the Amidah (the central silent prayer), refer to God as Magen Avraham – protector of Abraham. Many Jews now add: pokehd or ezrat Sarah – guardian or helper of Sarah. Lefton

G-d cast wishes to thank:
Evan Wolkenstein
Maya Bernstein
Dan Wolf
Alicia Jo Rabins
Russel Neiss
Danielle Foreman
Barbara Barza
Allie Wollner
Rachel Levinson
Sarah Kashinsky
All of the inspired poets who contributed to this project

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As part of Ritualwell’s partnership with G-dcast, we present a series of videos that share personal stories about Jewish lifecycle events. 

G-dcast.com is a San Francisco–based nonprofit that makes Jewish text come alive through animated short films, apps and tools for guided conversations. The organization is dedicated to helping make Jewish literacy attainable for as many people as possible by seamlessly combining timeless storytelling techniques with 21st century learning tools. To learn more about G-dcast, visit www.g-dcast.com.

The Lifecycles Project was made possible with generous support from The Koret Foundation, as part of their Initiative on Jewish Peoplehood.