Blessing of Euphoria Dysphoria: For the Reclamation of One’s Gendered Self/Selves After The Disclosure of Sexual Abuse

they call 

my condition
 
euphoria 
dysphoria
 
i realized my body 
was not mine
 
spun out of your control
and “joyful
joyful”
 
entered a heaven
stumbled into a religion 
not yours
 
my own!
 
and after the 
rollercoaster
vomit
and surrender
 
i mean 
vertigo
 
i have landed 
in the land past
Thee and We
 
here i am
Adonai Yireh
 
from this mountain
 
“i adore
Me!”
 
as i shout back to the 
glory of the
L-rd
which i know now
and back then
did not
for a single moment
depart
Me

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