I awake in fear in the middle of the night asÂ
if the angel of death has gripped my throat, and
can feel the edge of its blade against my skin
not knowing when the blade will descend asÂ
if I’m a hostage of this past year like the hostagesÂ
still held in the tunnels of Gaza after almost two years.
Why didn’t I push harder for reconciliation, for peace,Â
for their release, when I had the chance to speak up?
How much longer will I have to live with this guilt, this fear?Â
Wide-eyed, I lay awake in the darkness thinking of the war,
of them, of being abandoned, of shadows breaking intoÂ
the darkness, unable to defend myself.
Of being judged by God as the new year begins,
of the verdict that will be inscribed in the book where
God records our actions for the past 12 months:Â
Guilty,Â
guilty,Â
guilty!
How can I free myself of this guilt when I’m unableÂ
to shut my eyes to the horrors committed against usÂ
on Oct 7, unable to forget the twisted bodies andÂ
the blood-stained earth and the feelings of helplessnessÂ
and fury. How can I ever feel safe again in this worldÂ
and regain the innocence we lost that day,
if not for myself then for my children? How can I returnÂ
to a world at peace when I’m unable to see the roadÂ
to peace now that it’s hidden under the rubble
buried beneath thousands of children’s corpses?
O God, forgive my people for what we’ve done,
for committing atrocities in response to atrocities
committed against us, and help us return to You.
Open our eyes so we can see a road to peaceÂ
even if it’s hidden from view.
Help our hearts heal so we can find the strength
to forge a new road and find a way to live in peace
with whoever reaches out a hand to us.
Let peace flow like a bright stream, a river rushing
between its banks bringing life-giving water to all
who need to drink its sweetness and hear its song: Â
Peace,Â
peace,Â
peace…
O God, please,Â
grant us a new yearÂ
overflowing with peace.
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