Designed for personal or communal use, adaptable for siblings, family, or other relationships
Ritual objects needed:
- A candle
- A vessel of water
- Two empty vessel
- A shell, rock, or leaf
- A notebook and pen
I. Kavanah
Opening Intention
“I give myself the permission to heal and be well.
I give myself permission to remember the past without expecting a different future.”
“I recognize our separation and release ______ in peace.”
Light a candle or hold the vessel of water in your hands. Take a deep breath to mark the sacred space.
II. Naming the Estrangement: Hakarat HaMatzav
Recite or journal privately:
“In honor of what we have shared,
Which informs who we are today
In respect of our separateness
In honor of our retraction.
May we both be healed as we go on our individual paths”
Genesis 13:8-9 (Abram and Lot):
“Let there be no strife between me and you… Separate yourself from me.”
III. Sanctifying the Separation: K’dushat HaHafradah
“I gather the love I have poured into our connection, to send into the world for healing and for growth.”
“Even the Divine withdrew to make space for new creation.”
Pour water from the large vessel into the two empty vessels as a sign of creating new boundaries and paths.
IV. Releasing the Bond: Shvirat v’Tikkun
“I allow myself to move forward with love, peace and protection.
I allow myself to reimagine the future without you.
I allow myself the freedom of the unexpected”
Ecclesiastes 3:1, 5:
“There is a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing.”
Release a stone, shell, or leaf into one container of water, imagining yourself returning the expectations, energy, and connection to the other person.
Open your hands physically, as a gesture of letting go.
V. Reallocating Energy: Hashavat Koach
“I take the energy I was sending to our connection, and reallocate it in service of love.”
Psalm 147:3:
“God heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”
Place a hand over your heart or on your head to symbolize reclaiming your strength and attention.
VI. Brakha HaHafradah: Blessing of Separation
“Blessed is the One who makes paths where none seemed possible,
Who separates light from darkness, closeness from distance,
And grants strength to release what no longer serves my journey”
Close your eyes and take a deep breath. Allow your body to relax into this moment.
Relax your hands, loosen your jaw, drop your shoulders.
VII. Sending Forth: Shiluakh
“I do not need to hold you in my grasp.
I do not need to be held in your grasp.”
“May you go in peace.
May you go in love.
May you go in protection.
May you go. May you go. May you go.”
Blow out the candle or gently pour out water into the ground or a living body of water as an action of release.
Take some time to rest in this space after the ritual. Consider journaling, making art, resting quietly, eating delicious food, or being in nature. Validate your needs and feelings in this space.
