What are we doing here today?
“Homosexual relationships are no less valid or worthy than heterosexual ones and therefore deserve no less. (But also), they are not exactly the same and do not need to do everything exactly the same.”
What we are doing today is:
- Ritually affirming a change in status in Kathy and Joyce’s relationship
- Giving of the blessing of Judaism, of family and community to Kathy and Joyce
- Witnessing in public their commitment to share their lives together
- Linking their relationship to the stream of the Jewish people and to our Jewish community
Since, in a civil context this act has no legal standing, the religious and communal meaning of what we affirm today is that much deeper and richer.
A traditional Jewish wedding is divided into two parts—erusinLit. Betrothal Once a separate ceremony, but now a segment of the contemporary wedding ceremony. or betrothal and nissuinThe second part of the wedding ceremony during which the seven blessings are read. or carrying off. Betrothal provides the legal container into which a couple makes commitments to one another. Kathy and Joyce have written a ketubahThe Jewish wedding contract. Traditionally, the ketubah protected the wife in marriage by spelling out the husband's obligations to her and guaranteeing her a financial settlement in case of divorce. Throughout the ages, ketubot (plural) have been illuminated and calligraphed, becoming significant as Jewish art. Today, all manner of egalitarian ketubot are written. Some dispense with the financial and legal aspects, focusing more on the emotional and spiritual sides of the relationship. Others maintain the rabbis' concern with the practical, but define mutual obligations for each spouse., a contract, which they regard as legally binding. They will exchange rings, gifts given to one another as an expression of their intention to maintain their covenant with one another.
In nissuin, we celebrate the emotions and love which fill the container. Your role in this celebration is to rejoice with Kathy and Joyce. Ritually, the way in which we do this is to say “amen” to the blessings under the huppahMarriage canopy symbolizing the couple's new home.. At the party, I know that you have many creative ways to rejoice with them!
בְּרוּכוֹת הַבָּאוֹת בְּשֵׁם אֲדֹנָי עִבְדוּ אֶת יְהוָה הַשִּׂמְחָה בֹּאוּ לְפָנָיו בִּרְנָנָה. הוֹדוּ ליהוה כִּי טוֹב כִּי לְעוֹלָם חַסְדּוֹ. מִי אַדִּיר עַל הַכֹּל מִי בָּרוּךְ עַל הַכֹּל הוּא יְבָרֵךְ אֶת בַּעֲלוֹת הַבְּרִית. הוֹדוּ ליהוה כִּי טוֹב כִּי לְעוֹלָם חַסְדּוֹ
B’rukhot ha-ba’ot b’shem Adonay, ivdu et Adonay b’simkhahA happy occasion. Usually describes a celebration for a life cycle event (birth, wedding, etc.). bo’u l’fanav birnanah. Hodu la-Adonay ki tov ki l’olam khasdo. Mi adir al ha-kol mi barukh al ha-kol hu y’varekh et ba’alot ha-brit. Hodu la-Adonay ki tov ki l’olam khasdo.
Blessed are you who come here, under this huppah, in the name of God. O most awesome, glorious and blessed God, grant Your blessings to two who enter here with love and hope and joy. Make their home a shelter against the storm, a haven of peace, a stronghold of faith and love.
KiddushThe prayer recited over wine on Shabbat, holidays, and other joyous occasions.
This cup of wine, is symbolic of the cup of life. As you share the one cup of wine, you undertake to share all that the future may bring. All the sweetness life’s cup may hold for you should be the sweeter because you drink it together; whatever drops of bitterness it may contain should be less bitter because you share them. As we recite the blessing over wine, we pray that God will bestow fullness of joy upon you:
בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה אֲדֹנָי אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם בּוֹרֵא פְּרִי הַגָפֶן
Barukh attah Adonay Eloheynu melekh ha-olam borey p’ri ha-gafen.
You abound in blessings, Adonai Our God, Source of all creation, creator of the fruit of the vine.
A circle is the symbol of the sun and the earth and the universe, of wholeness and perfection and peace. The rings you give and receive here are the symbols of the endless love into which you enter.
הֲרֵי אַתְּ מְיֻחֶדֶת לִי בִּקְדֻשָּׁה
Harey at m’yukhedet li bikdushah.
Behold, you are united with me in holiness.
Ketubah
Joyce and Kathy have written a contract which illuminates the responsibilities which they will each accept to make this relationship strong.
While we celebrate today, we also remember those who are unable to celebrate with us, Joyce’s parents, Glen and Melba, and Kathy’s mother, Adele. Kathy has asked that I read some words from her mother, which help us to know how much she would have rejoiced at this moment, if she were alive.
Adele’s letter
Nissuin
Kathy and Joyce’s poems
TallitA four-cornered garment to which ritual fringes (tzitzit/tzitzi'ot) are affixed. The knots in the fringes represent the name of God and remind us of God's commandments. The tallit is worn during prayer and can also be drawn about oneself or around the bride and groom to symbolize divine protection.
Sheva BrakhotSeven blessings with which the bride and groom are blessed at their wedding. Also refers to the seven days of celebration following the wedding, during which the seven blessings are recited at every meal at which there is a minyan of ten Jews and there is at least one guest who was not present at the wedding.
בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה אֲדֹנָי אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם בּוֹרֵא פְּרִי הַגָפֶן
Barukh attah Adonay Eloheynu melekh ha-olam borey p’ri ha-gafen.
You abound in blessings, Adonai our God, Source of all creation, creator of the fruit of the vine, symbol of human joy.
בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה אֲדֹנָי אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם שֶׁהַכֹּל ב בָּרָא לִכְבוֹדוֹ
Barukh attah Adonay Eloheynu melekh ha-olam she-ha-kol bara likhvodo.
You abound in blessings Adonai our God, Source of all creation, all of whose creations reflect your glory.
בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה אֲדֹנָי אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם יוֹצֵר הָאָדָם
Barukh attah Adonay Eloheynu melekh ha-olam yotzer ha-adam.
You abound in blessings, Adonai our God, Source of all creation, creator of human beings.
בָּרוּךְ חֲכַם הָרָזִים. שֶׁאֵין דַּעְתָּם דּוֹמֶה זֶה לָזֶה וְאֵין פִרְצוּפָם דּוֹמֶה זֶה לָזֶה וְהַקּב”ה יוֹדֵעַ מַה בְּלֵב כֻּלָּם
Barukh hakham ha-razim. She’ein da’atam domeh zeh la’zeh v’eyn pirtzufam domeh zeh la-zeh v’ha-kadosh Barukh hu yode’a ma b’lev kulam.
You abound in blessings, Adonai our God for the ability to appreciate diversity within the community of IsraelLit. ''the one who struggles with God.'' Israel means many things. It is first used with reference to Jacob, whose name is changed to Israel (Genesis 32:29), the one who struggles with God. Jacob's children, the Jewish people, become B'nai Israel, the children of Israel. The name also refers to the land of Israel and the State of Israel. and to know the hearts of them all.
בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה אֲדֹנָי מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם הַטּוֹב וְהַמֵיטִיב
Barukh attah Adonay Eloheynu melekh ha-olam ha-tov v’ha-meytiv.
You abound in blessings, Adonai our God, source of all creation, who is good and does good.
שַׂמֵּחַ תְּשַׂמֵּחַ רֵעִים הָאֲהוּבִים בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה אֲדֹנָי מְשַׂמֵּחַ בַּעֲלַת הַבְּרִית וּבַּעֲלַת הַבְּרִית
Sameakh t’samakh re’im ha-ahuvim barukh attah Adonay m’sameakh ba’alat ha-brit u-ba’alat ha-brit.
We rejoice as these two people overcoming separateness unite in joy, You abound in blessings, Adonai, permitting us to share other’s joy.
בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה אֲדֹנָי אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם אֲשֶׁר בָּרָא שָׂשׂוֹן וְשִׂמְחָה חֲתַן וְכַלָּה, גִּילָה רִנָּה דִּיצָה וְחֶדְוָה אַהֲבָה וְאַחֲוָה וְשָׁלוֹם וְרֵעוּת. בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה אֲדֹנָי מְשַׂמֵּחַ בַּעֲלַת בְּרִית עִם בַּעֲלַת בְּרִית
Barukh attah Adonay Eloheynu melekh ha-olam asher bara sason v’simkhah, hatan v’kalah, gilah rinah ditzah v’khedvah, ahavah v’akhavah v’shalom v’re’ut. Barukh attah Adonay, m’same’akh ba’alat b’rit im ba’alat b’rit.
You abound in blessings, Adonai our God, creator of joy and gladness, song and laughter, love and passion, peace and friendship. We are thankful that in a world where loving relationships between women are rarely acknowledged, your children gather in celebration of this union. You abound in blessings, Adonai our God, for the joy that Kathy and Joyce find in one another.
Closing
Y’varekh’kha Adonay v’yishm’rekha, ya-er Adonay panav elekha vikhunekha, yisa Adonay panav elekha v’yasem l’kha shalom.
May God bless you and keep you.
May God’s presence shine upon you and be gracious to you.
May God’s presence be with you and give you peace.
Breaking of Glass
As we all know, the world is not a place of shalom, of wholeness and peace. The world has been shattered into fragments by violence and injustice. As we hear the glass shatter, we are reminded of this shattered world, and of the power your love has to make the world a better place, to heal some of those fragments.
סִימָן טוֹב וּמַזַּל טוֹב
SIMAN TOV U-MAZAL TOV!
