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Season of Our Joy

lulav and etrog
On the first day of Sukkot
I hold the four species before me,
ready to shake.
The straight, strong spine of the date palm
mocks my own,
curved like an S since puberty,
two vertebrae fused in recent years.
The eyes of the myrtle leaves,
slightly out of focus this close to my face,
remind me of the seven pairs of reading glasses
strewn about my house,
never on me when I seem to need them.
The lips of the willow,
are so smooth,
not like the fine lines that are beginning to surround my aging lips.
I squeeze the etrog and smell it,
and my heart aches.
Then, like hearing an angel whisper in my ear, the words surface—
z’man simchateinu.
This is the season of our joy.
I laugh. How can joy be commanded?
It hides from us, around corners of fear,
and across chasms of grief,
sometimes completely out of reach.
Suddenly, I hear this commandment as a dare.
“I dare you to be happy.”
On the next day of Sukkot
I hold the four species before me
ready to shake.
The straight, strong spine of the date palm
reminds me
of all the times I’ve held my head high
while walking into the unknown.
The eyes of the myrtle leaves
awaken me to the blessings of fall colors—
crimson leaves, orange gourds,
the yellow cornstalks crisscrossed atop my sukkah.
The lips of the willow call to mind so many kisses,
lovers’ mouths,
the downy crowns of my newborns’ heads,
the brow of my dear friend’s body
just moments after her soul has left it.
I squeeze the etrog and smell it,
and my heart swells.
The mitzvah is to take the dare.

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