A Reading Before Kaddish on Purim

God seems to be missing, in this scroll we read every year…one of the only holidays we are told we will still celebrate in the world to come…and God is not there.

Or maybe God is, in disguise, just like the masqueraders…

And then I find myself in mourning…and God seems to be missing…my loved one has entered the world to come…
and God does not seem to be here.

Or maybe God is in disguise, just like the masqueraders…

Maybe, like Esther and Mordechai, you will come and save me – from this feeling of loneliness, from the fear of a life that will ever be the same.  Perhaps my mourning will be turned into dancing, as it was for all those years ago…perhaps one day, I will be able to look back and find something meaningful about this day.

For now, I put on a mask…like those masqueraders…and pretend to be something, or someone I am not…
I pretend to be fine.

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