Abby Diebold (Swarthmore College ’20) came up with the idea for this discussion and brought together a group to share their experiences and wisdom on this subject.
Rabbi Michael Ramberg (Swarthmore College Jewish Student Advisor) helped to gather the supporting resources.
A 1-hour discussion of PassoverPassover is a major Jewish holiday that commemorates the Jewish people's liberation from slavery and Exodus from Egypt. Its Hebrew name is Pesakh. Its name derives from the tenth plague, in which God "passed over" the homes of the Jewish firstborn, slaying only the Egyptian firstborn. Passover is celebrated for a week, and many diaspora Jews celebrate for eight days. The holiday begins at home at a seder meal and ritual the first (and sometimes second) night. Jews tell the story of the Exodus using a text called the haggadah, and eat specific food (matzah, maror, haroset, etc). and disordered eating
Outline
- Introductions: name, year, pronouns, what you’re hoping to getA writ of divorce. Traditionally, only a man can grant his wife a get. Liberal Jews have amended this tradition, making divorce more egalitarian. from this space, if you want to share any personal connection to the topic
- Agreements: confidentiality of this space, come and go freely
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Overview: designed to be a very informal conversation
- Create a safe space to talk about/collaborate around these issues
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Potential topics:
- Talking to family members
- Generational/post-Holocaust trauma
- Psychological concerns around food restriction
- What does Passover mean to you? And/or, What do you want it to mean? How can you observe the holiday so it has that meaning?
- If needed, have people read/discuss texts on handout (see below)
Some of the points that emerged in the course of the discussion:
1) Strategies for avoiding and/or dealing with difficult moments at seders
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Remember that in Judaism, saving a life (which is interpreted broadly to mean anything that helps to fight a life-threatening condition) takes precedence over almost any other commandment, including food-related commandments
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Make a joke about it (e.g., grandmother who squeezes your side with “the claw”) with a family member who can laugh about it
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Have parents intervene with their parents when they are hurtful (grandparents listen to their kids)
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Support from siblings, other family members
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Make an excuse to get away—e.g., friend in crisis, school crisis, meeting with professor, etc.
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When someone says, “You look great,” reply, if you can, “I feel healthy”
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Tell people, “Your body knows what it needs, wants—our bodies are smart that way”—when its signals haven’t been tampered with
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Incorporate into sederLit. Order. The festive meal conducted on Passover night, in a specific order with specific rituals to symbolize aspects of the Exodus from Egypt. It is conducted following the haggadah, a book for this purpose. Additionally, there an ancient tradition to have a seder on Rosh Hashanah, which has been practiced in particular by Sephardi communities. This seder involves the blessing and eating of simanim, or symbolic foods. The mystics of Sefat also created a seder for Tu B'shvat, the new year of the trees. some Jewish wisdom on a healthy relationship to food, making eating a sacred act
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Have a seder with just a few, trusted people
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Have a seder with someone else’s family if they are more supportive and healthy with regard to food and body attitudes
2) Suggestions for observances other than food restrictions that could last the entire holiday
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Learn more about Passover—ask Rabbi Google—or here are lots of social justice haggadot
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Take actions for freedom—e.g., activism, advocacy, giving tzedakahCharity. In Hebrew, the word tzedakah derives from the word for justice. Tzedakah is not seen as emanating from the kindness of one’s heart but, rather, as a communal obligation.
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Abstain from something that isn’t food that is symbolic of or directly implicated in your enslavement or the enslavement of others
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Liturgy: HallelLit. “Praise” The Hallel prayers are additional prayers taken from Psalms 113-118 and are traditionally recited on the Jewish holidays of Passover, Shavuot, Sukkot, Rosh Chodesh, and Hanukah. (Psalms 113–118), part of the morning service for all the days of Passover
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Texts
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Song of Songs—ancient love poem in the Hebrew Bible, read allegorically as the story of the Exodus from Egypt, can be read as sex- and body-positive
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Passover TorahThe Five Books of Moses, and the foundation of all of Jewish life and lore. The Torah is considered the heart and soul of the Jewish people, and study of the Torah is a high mitzvah. The Torah itself a scroll that is hand lettered on parchment, elaborately dressed and decorated, and stored in a decorative ark. It is chanted aloud on Mondays, Thursdays, and Shabbat, according to a yearly cycle. Sometimes "Torah" is used as a colloquial term for Jewish learning and narrative in general. readings—a special Torah reading for each day of the holiday
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Ritual: counting the omerFrom the second day of Passover until Shavuot, Jews count seven weeks – seven times seven days – to commemorate the period between the Exodus from Egypt and the Revelation at Sinai. When the Temple stood, a certain measure (omer) of barley was offered on the altar each day; today, we merely count out the days.—starts the 2nd night of Passover
3) Ideas for navigating eating restrictions
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Eat special Passover foods but don’t cut out other foods
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Eat kitniyot (legumes, beans, peas, rice, millet, corn, and seeds), prohibited by some Ashkenazim but accepted by Sephardim and increasingly widely accepted among Ashkenazim
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Eat foods made with kitniyot derivatives (e.g., corn syrup)
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If you’re prioritizing your health and eating something you’d prefer not to eat during Passover (like hametzLit. Leavening Any food made of grain and water which has fermented and risen and is thus prohibited to be eaten during Passover.') say one of these blessings or some version that feels appropriate to you:
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Behold I am prepared to fulfill the mitzvahLit. Commandment. It is traditionally held that there are 613 mitzvot (plural) in Judaism, both postive commandments (mandating actions) and negative commandments (prohibiting actions). Mitzvah has also become colloquially assumed to mean the idea of a “good deed." of eating hametz during Passover, as is written in Your Torah: “You shall observe My statutes and My ordinances, which a person shall do and live by them. I am the Source of Life” (Leviticus 18:5). In the merit of fulfilling this mitzvah, seal me, and all the ill of the people IsraelLit. ''the one who struggles with God.'' Israel means many things. It is first used with reference to Jacob, whose name is changed to Israel (Genesis 32:29), the one who struggles with God. Jacob's children, the Jewish people, become B'nai Israel, the children of Israel. The name also refers to the land of Israel and the State of Israel., for a complete recovery. May I merit next Passover to once again observe the Passover food customs that hold meaning for me. May this be your will. Amen.
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בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה אֲדֹנָי אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם אֲשֶׁר קִדְּשָׁנוּ בְּמִצְוֹתָיו וְצִוָּנוּ עַל פִּקּוּחַ נֶפֶשׁ
Barukh Atah Adonai, Eloheynu Melekh haolam, asher kidshanu bemitzvotav vetzivanu al pikuakh nefesh.
Blessed are you Eternal, Sovereign of the universe, Who makes us holy through Your commandments, and Who commands us to preserve life.
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Texts on handout
Traditional blessing for acts done for the preservation of life:
בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה אֲדֹנָי אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם אֲשֶׁר קִדְּשָׁנוּ בְּמִצְוֹתָיו וְצִוָּנוּ עַל פִּקּוּחַ נֶפֶשׁ
Barukh Atah Adonai, Eloheynu Melekh haolam, asher kidshanu bemitzvotav vetzivanu al pikuakh nefesh.
Blessed are you Eternal, Sovereign of the universe,
Who makes us holy through Your commandments, and Who commands us to preserve life.
Blessed are You Eternal, who creates each of us whole, and none of us perfect.
From “Starving for Passover” by Caroline Rothstein:
“You’re allowed to break almost every commandment there is in order to save a life,” said Rabbi Shari. “If you don’t keep Passover because it possibly leads to relapse, you don’t keep Passover.” I know I’m not the only Jew to struggle with these blurry lines between health and holiness. A friend, who is currently in rabbinical school and working at a university Hillel, recently told me how a student struggling with an eating disorder approached her about fasting on Yom KippurThe holiest day of the Jewish year and the culmination of a season of self-reflection. Jews fast, abstain from other worldly pleasures, and gather in prayers that last throughout the day. Following Ne'ilah, the final prayers, during which Jews envision the Gates of Repentance closing, the shofar is sounded in one long blast to conclude the holy day. It is customary to begin building one's sukkah as soon as the day ends.. My friend’s response made it clear that the student’s life took precedence above all else: “No one should fast if it will put one’s life in jeopardy as potential relapse to eating disorder can.” She said pikuach nefeshLit. Saving a life. This is one of the most important of the mitzvot. All laws of Judaism (except the prohibitions against murder, adultery, and idolatry) must be suspended in order to save a life. is central to Jewish practice, and that it protects a life above all else, surpassing every commandment other than murder, adultery and idol worship. Pikuach nefesh ushers those of us who have struggled or continue to struggle with eating disorders much more easily along our journeys, both to healing and in healing.
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Passover celebrates our Exodus from Egypt, our redemption from slavery, our freedom. Having an eating disorder puts shackles around food- and body-related choices. It is a mental illness that often feels like it holds the sufferer hostage. Recovery is liberation. After the very trying year I experienced in recovery, I realized that not keeping Passover was redemption. However, it is not redemption from the restrictions of going eight days and nights without leavened bread and corn syrup. Rather, I feel redeemed from the eating disorder. I made a choice that trumped tradition in favor of my mental, emotional, and physical balance and prosperity. I made a choice to save my life. I made a choice that prioritized my health and soul above all else — that is liberation, an exodus from my pain.
From “All Who Are Hungry” by Ilana Kurshan:
It is with this newfound freedom that I call out the words of the ha lachma anya, the symbolic invitation recited near the beginning of the seder: “Let all who are hungry come enter and eat; Let all who are in need come and celebrate Pesach.” I am free to say that I, too, have been hungry and I, too, deserve to eat. After months of eating nothing but cottage cheese and fruit in the privacy of my bedroom, I can now gather around the table with my family and friends and rejoice communally. Eating is no longer an activity that sets me apart from other people, but a means of reconnecting with those I love most. And so when the tzimmis and stuffing and turkey and potatoes are handed to me, I do not pass them over from the sister at my left to the sister at my right. I realize that it is not just the first time that I am eating hot food again, but also the first time that I feel the warmth that comes from eating at the table together.
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Judaism is not a religion of asceticism and self-denial; I am not holy because I can subsist on mustard and carrots alone. Although we sing dayenu, “it is enough,” today I affirm the opposite: It is not enough. It has not been enough to eat only what is absolutely necessary for survival; this is not the fast God wants of me, nor is it the sacrifice God desires.
From “This Passover I’m Liberating Myself From My Anorexia – By Eating Chametz” by Elyse Pitock
This year, the haggadahLit. "Telling.” The haggadah is the book used at the seder table on Passover to tell the story of the Exodus, the central commandment of the holiday. It is rich in song, prayer, and legend. There are many different version of the Haggadah produced throughout Jewish history. is the center of my observance. When I turn to the text itself, I find a fragment of validation: We read that when the Israelites approach the Red Sea with Pharaoh close behind, they fear the worst. God parts the seas, and the only way out is through. The Israelites safely make the crossing to freedom, their demons far behind them, but they have a long way to travel. They stop and survey what has just happened. A hurdle is cleared, and the next is ahead. They are free but not unbound.
Once we were slaves, now we are free. In my small way, I have been redeemed, offered a reprieve from a low weight and a low potassium count and low energy. I am reluctant to use the vocabulary of Exodus, because I was never a slave, and in the important ways, my life has been peaceful and good. But in the microcosm of my life, I have finally been offered a taste of freedom from a disease that grabbed hold and wouldn’t let go. Now, even with hurdles ahead, I am running in the opposite direction.
Other resources:
From “Anorexia Recovery for Orthodox Jews: KosherFit to use or consume under Jewish ritual law. "Kosher" often refers to the food which it is permissible to eat according to Jewish dietary law, but can also mean the suitableness of a Torah scross or mezuzah for proper ritual use. For more on dietary laws, see kashrut. Dietary Strategies”
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Pikuach Nefesh (Saving a Life) Takes Precedence
While a lot of Orthodox life is proscribed and law-bound, the good news is that Jewish law also prioritizes the principle of pikuach nefesh, the saving of one’s life, over adhering to other demands of Jewish law. This essentially means that nearly all Jewish laws are secondary to risks that are life-threatening. If for example, an Orthodox mother has a heart attack on ShabbatShabbat is the Sabbath day, the Day of Rest, and is observed from Friday night through Saturday night. Is set aside from the rest of the week both in honor of the fact that God rested on the seventh day after creating the world. On Shabbat, many Jews observe prohibitions from various activities designated as work. Shabbat is traditionally observed with festive meals, wine, challah, prayers, the reading and studying of Torah, conjugal relations, family time, and time with friends. (a day that Orthodox families do not drive or use the phone), because of the principle of Pikuach Nefesh, the woman’s family MUST break Shabbat by using the phone, dialing 911 and transporting the patient to the hospital for life saving help. Because eating disorders are medical threats to mortality, there is often room, even for strict Orthodox individuals, to override many principles of Jewish law due to the dictate of Pikuach Nefesh.
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There is a prayer found in some Yom Kippur prayer books that some patients might find meaningful to recite before eating on a fast day: Behold I am prepared to fulfill the mitzvah of eating and drinking on Yom Kippur, as You have written in Your Torah: “You shall observe My statutes and My ordinances, which a man shall do and live by them. I am the L-rd.” In the merit of fulfilling this mitzvah, seal me, and all the ill of Your nation Israel, for a complete recovery. May I merit next Yom Kippur to once again fulfill [the mitzvah of] “you shall afflict yourselves [on Yom Kippur].” May this be your will. Amen.
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Passover
Passover, an eight-day holiday that falls in the Spring, celebrates the Jewish exodus from Egypt. This long holiday may also pose some challenges to the Orthodox patient in the renourishing process. During Passover, products that are made or derived from wheat, barley, rye, oats, or spelt and have come into contact with water and been allowed to ferment and rise, are prohibited. This translates to most breads, baked goods, and cereals. Many Jews also refrain from consuming rice and legumes during this period.
Before Passover, most families scour their kitchen to eliminate any traces of these foods and use a separate set of dishes and pots to cook for this holiday. The first two nights of Passover include a Seder, which is a relatively long ritual meal with specific food and drink requirements. The Seders can be a source of stress for a patient in recovery, and he or she may need to adjust the ritual requirements with a rabbi and/or therapist and attend Seders surrounded only by a few close supports so as not to risk recovery. There may be special dispensations that are necessary in order to ensure that Orthodox patients can continue eating appropriate amounts of calories on Passover. For example, patients may decide to eat rice and legumes on Passover (typically a food that only some Sefardic Jews eat on Passover; these are foods that most AshkenazicJew of Eastern European descent. The term also refers to the practices and customs associated with this community, often in contrast to Sephardic (Southern European) traditions. Jews avoid on Passover). Patients may also decide to eat things made with derivatives of foods they typically avoid on Passover. For example, corn is a legume avoided by many Jews on Passover. Patients with AN may decide to eat products that contain corn syrup (such as some brands of ice cream) despite traditionally avoiding those foods on Passover. For those who uphold all stringencies, quinoa is considered kosher for Passover by most kosher consumers and can be used as a rice/pasta/starch substitute.
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Accuracy of principles of Jewish law reviewed by Rabbi Jason Weiner, Senior Rabbi & Director of the Spiritual Care Department, Cedars-Sinai Medical Center
From “Why This Passover Will be Different For My Eating Disorder Recovery”
This year, I am taking my life back from my eating disorder. I will not be subject to its power to silence me and distance me from the people and things I care about most. For me and where I am in my recovery, Passover is not — and cannot be — about the food; I will be using this year’s holiday to reclaim my life, my body and my spirit. I will continue to distance myself from bulimia. This year’s seder plate will feature self-compassion, acceptance and patience — and those things are certainly kosher for Passover.
