Officiating at a Jewish Wedding

bride and groom under canopy

Jewish law does not require that marriages be performed by a rabbionly a person sufficiently knowledgeable to perform the ceremony is necessary. That said, state law is stricter and varies considerably from state to state. Most states require that a licensed member of the clergy perform the wedding. Some municipalities, like New York City, insist that clergy performing weddings be registered with the city. Sometimes, if a couple wants a particular friend or relative to perform the wedding who does not meet the requirements of the state, they can use that person’s services and also engage a rabbi or other licensed individual to sign the appropriate documents.

Many rabbis will only perform weddings for members of their synagogue and their families. You may have to join a synagogue if you want a particular rabbi to perform your wedding. However, there are many other rabbis who do not serve as congregational rabbis, who often perform weddings. In addition, there are independent individuals in many areas who perform lifecycle ceremonies like weddings. To find an officiant, ask around and seek the advice of friends. You can also contact the local board of rabbis which will have a listing of all rabbis in the area.

You should meet with whomever you plan to engage as an officiant before you do so. It is important to discuss his or her religious requirements for a wedding and his or her philosophy. You will want to find out if you are simpatico before you move forward. Questions to ask include: basic religious requirements, areas of flexibility, how many pre-nuptial sessions will be required, and general philosophy about weddingscan the couple design their own ceremony or will the rabbi arrive with a pre-packaged ceremony? If they do, is there room for flexibility? Most rabbis or other clergy will charge a fee to anyone who is not a member of their synagogue. This is also something you should ask about upfrontmost locales have a going rate.

Finally, a warning to interfaith couples. Many rabbisall Orthodox and Conservative and many Reform and Reconstructionistwill not perform intermarriages. Even among those who do, their requirements varymost will not co-officiate with clergy of other faiths; many require the couple to study Judaism for a period of months and/or commit to keeping a Jewish home and raising a Jewish family. An interfaith couple seeking a rabbi for a wedding often gets a run-around. To avoid this, ask others who have had rabbis who performed interfaith ceremonies whom they used. Alternatively, the board of rabbis often has such information, and the website has a clergy referral service, along with many other useful resources. If you want to understand why rabbis are reluctant to perform intermarriages, read the article on Interfaith Weddings on ritualwell. A final word of cautionwhile there are independent rabbis and others who will perform interfaith weddings and do a beautiful job, there are some mercenaries out there who will charge an outlandish fee because their services are in demand. Buyer beware.


Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on email

Ritualwell content is available for free thanks to the generous support of readers like you! Please help us continue to offer meaningful content with a donation today. 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Related Rituals

Shop Ritualwell - Discover unique Judaica products

The Reconstructionist Network

Serving as central organization of the Reconstructionist movement

Training the next generation of groundbreaking rabbis

Modeling respectful conversations on pressing Jewish issues

Curating original, Jewish rituals, and convening Jewish creatives

Count On Telling Your Story: A Ritualwell In-Person Immersion

Join us for Count On Telling Your Story: A Ritualwell In-Person Immersion on Sunday, June 9th. Mix and mingle with old and new friends, enjoy delicious kosher-vegetarian food and engage in a variety of creative, thought-provoking sessions exploring rituals, writing, and art.

Get the latest from Ritualwell

Subscribe for the latest rituals, online learning opportunities, and unique Judaica finds from our store.

The Reconstructionist Network