Kaddish for the End of Biological Fertility

women pictured from behind staring at mountains

Yitgadal1 May God’s name grow great:
I will never be a mommy (again) from my own belly.
I won’t nurse or grow large.
I couldn’t hold you in my womb and I won’t hold you in my arms.
You won’t grow within me. I won’t grow as much without you.

V’yitkaddash May God’s name be made holy:
I won’t be made holy by the process of conception, pregnancy and birth.
I won’t bring that spark of Divinity into the world through my body.
Sh’mei rabba the great name:
My name will not be made great through my children.
I will not use my power to name.

B’alma di vra khirutei v’yam’likh malkhutei, b’khaiyeikhon u’v’yomeikhon v’khayei d’khol beit yisrael ba’agalah u’vizman kariv v’imru amen

May God complete the holy realm in your own lifetimes,
in your days, and in the days of all the house of Israel,
quickly and soon, and let us say, Amen.
In all my life and all my life with people, I never expected this.
As my days and life pass, I grieve over days of waiting and hoping and praying for life.

Y’hei sh’mei rabba m’vorakh l’olam ulalmei almaya
May God’s great name be blessed forever and ever.
May Your name be blessed forever, even if I never name.

Yitbarakh May God’s name be blessed.
May You be blessed even if I haven’t been blessed with a child.

V’yishtabakh May it be praised.
May Your name be praised even if I can’t find the emotion to praise from my darkness.

V’yitpa’ar May it be glorified.
May Your name be glorified, even if I am numb to Your glory at this time.

V’yitromam  May it be raised.
May You be raised, even if my belly will never rise again with child.

V’yitnasei  May it be honored.
May You be held in honor, even if I never hold a child in my womb.

V’yit’hadar  May it be viewed with awe.
May You be viewed with awe, even if I never experience the awe of birth.

V’yit’aleh  May it be embellished.
May You be embellished, even if I do not decorate a child’s room.

V’yit’halal May it be hallowed.
May You be hallowed, even if I feel hollow.

Sh’mei d’kud’sha, be’rikh hu The holy Name be blessed.
May Your name be blessed as my soul cries.

L’ailla mikkol birkhata v’shirata, tushb’khata v’nekhemata da’amiran b’alma v’imru amen
May the blessed name of holiness be hailed, though it be higher than all blessings,
songs, praises, and consolations that we utter in this world, and let us say, Amen.
May Your name be higher than all the blessings, songs, praises, and consolations
that I can offer at this moment due to my grief.

Y’hei shlomo rabba min sh’maya v’khayim aleinu v’al kol yisrael v’imru amen
May there be abundant peace from heaven and good life, upon us and upon all Israel, and let us say, Amen.
May You rest peacefully with Your decision not to grant me a child,
knowing I suffer so, and may I yet find peace of mind.

Oseh shalom bimromav, hu ya’aseh shalom aleinu v’al kol yisrael v’al kol yoshvei tevel v’imru amen
May the One who make peace in high places, make peace with us, for Israel and all the inhabitants of the earth, and let us say, Amen.
May You who make peace, find a way to help me make peace with this,
so that I may walk in comfort with Israel, and all others who dwell on this earth.
Help me find peace, and move on.

1 Kaddish is the memorial prayer recited by mourners throughout the period of mourning. Nevertheless, the prayer makes no mention of death. Instead it affirms God’s greatness and sanctifying God’s name.

Republished with permission of the author from Tears of Sorrow, Seeds of Hope, by Rabbi Nina Beth Cardin (Woodstock, VT: Jewish Lights Publishing, 1999).

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