For a person trying to plan a wedding, it can seem that there are as many days on which weddings are not performed in the Jewish calendar as there are days on which there are. What follows is a list of all days on which weddings are generally not performed. That said, many Reform rabbis will perform weddings on some of these days so you should double-check your plans with your rabbi.
Days on Which Weddings are not Performed
• ShabbatShabbat is the Sabbath day, the Day of Rest, and is observed from Friday night through Saturday night. Is set aside from the rest of the week both in honor of the fact that God rested on the seventh day after creating the world. On Shabbat, many Jews observe prohibitions from various activities designated as work. Shabbat is traditionally observed with festive meals, wine, challah, prayers, the reading and studying of Torah, conjugal relations, family time, and time with friends. (Friday at sundown until Saturday after night falls or even later if the rabbi or others have to travel on Saturday night to the wedding.) – It is usually impossible to have a wedding on a Saturday night in the summer months when Shabbat can end as late as 9 pm.
• Most Jewish Holidays and the Intermediate Days – to wit, Rosh HashanahThe Jewish New Year, also considered the Day of Judgment. The period of the High Holidays is a time of introspection and atonement. The holiday is celebrated with the sounding of the shofar, lengthy prayers in synagogue, the eating of apples and honey, and round challah for a sweet and whole year. Tashlikh, casting bread on the water to symbolize the washing away of sins, also takes place on Rosh Hashana., Yom KippurThe holiest day of the Jewish year and the culmination of a season of self-reflection. Jews fast, abstain from other worldly pleasures, and gather in prayers that last throughout the day. Following Ne'ilah, the final prayers, during which Jews envision the Gates of Repentance closing, the shofar is sounded in one long blast to conclude the holy day. It is customary to begin building one's sukkah as soon as the day ends., SukkotLit. Booths or huts Sukkot is the autumn harvest Festival of Booths, is celebrated starting the 15th of the Jewish month of Tishrei. Jews build booths (sukkot), symbolic of the temporary shelters used by the ancient Israelites when they wandered in the desert. Traditionally, Jews eat and sleep in the sukkah for the duration of the holiday (seven days in Israel and eight outside of Israel). The lulav (palm frond), willow, myrtle, and etrog fruit are also waved together. and the five festival days which follow the two days of the holiday, Shemini AtzeretThe holiday at the end of Sukkot, during which are recited prayers for rain. Rain figures prominently as God's blessing in the arid land of Israel., Simchat TorahThe holiday at the end of Sukkot during which Jews dance with the Torah late into the night. The yearly reading cycle of the Torah is completed and a new cycle is begun. Shemini Atzeret and Simchat Torah mark the end of the holiday season. In some congregations, the Torah scroll is unrolled in its entirety, and selected verses are read or sections noted., PassoverPassover is a major Jewish holiday that commemorates the Jewish people's liberation from slavery and Exodus from Egypt. Its Hebrew name is Pesakh. Its name derives from the tenth plague, in which God "passed over" the homes of the Jewish firstborn, slaying only the Egyptian firstborn. Passover is celebrated for a week, and many diaspora Jews celebrate for eight days. The holiday begins at home at a seder meal and ritual the first (and sometimes second) night. Jews tell the story of the Exodus using a text called the haggadah, and eat specific food (matzah, maror, haroset, etc). (the 2 days of the holiday at the beginning, the 4 intermediate days, and 2 days of holiday at the end), ShavuotShavuot is the holiday fifty days after Passover and commemorates when the Israelite liberation from Egypt culminates with the giving of the Torah. Traditionally, Jews study in an all-night study session, eat dairy products (one interpretation is that the Torah is like milk to us), and read both the Ten Commandments and the Book of Ruth.).
• The Days of the OmerFrom the second day of Passover until Shavuot, Jews count seven weeks – seven times seven days – to commemorate the period between the Exodus from Egypt and the Revelation at Sinai. When the Temple stood, a certain measure (omer) of barley was offered on the altar each day; today, we merely count out the days. – from Passover to Shavuot with some exceptions – Rosh ChodeshThe new moon, which marks the beginning of the Jewish month. According to tradition, because women did not participate in the sin of the golden calf, they were given the holiday of Rosh Chodesh. It is customary for women not to work on Rosh Chodesh. and Lag B’Omer (the 33rd day of the Omer). Some rabbis will perform weddings after Passover but before Rosh Chodesh Iyar. Some will perform weddings after Lag B’Omer, and some will perform weddings during the first five days of Sivan leading up to Shavuot.
• The Three Weeks – The days from the 17th of Tamuz until and including Tisha B’AvThe holiday on which the destruction of the Temples in Jerusalem is commemorated through fasting and prayers. (both being days of fasting).
• Minor Fast Days – the Fast of Gedaliah (following Rosh Hashana), the 10th of Tevet, the Fast of EstherHeroine of the Purim story and Megillat (the scroll of) Esther. She is married to the king by her cousin Mordecai and ultimately saves her people from execution. (preceding PurimLit. "Lots." A carnival holiday celebrated on the 14th of the Jewish month of Adar, commemorating the Jewish victory over the Persians as told in the Book of Esther. Purim is celebrated by reading the megilla (Book of Esther), exchanging gifts, giving money to the poor, and holding a festive meal. At the megilla reading, merrymakers are dressed in costumes, people drink, and noisemakers (graggers) are sounded whenever the villain Haman's name is mentioned.), and the 17th of Tamuz.
Consult a website like www.hebcal.com to determine when these holidays fall out in any given year.
When Should You GetA writ of divorce. Traditionally, only a man can grant his wife a get. Liberal Jews have amended this tradition, making divorce more egalitarian. Married?
Many Jewish weddings take place on Sunday during the day. Monday night is also viewed as an auspicious time on which to get married because, in the story of Creation, God twice said that the third day (which begins on Monday evening) was good. Many Orthodox couples opt for Monday night. Rosh Chodesh is also considered an auspicious time to wed. Couples wishing to have a night wedding on a weekend in the warmer months often opt for a Sunday-night wedding. This can, however, be very inconvenient for guests who need to travel and return to work Monday morning unless, of course, there is a Monday holiday. If you want a particular rabbi to perform your wedding, be sure to consult with her before you set the date. Rabbis’ calendars fill up quickly, especially in the warmer months.
Where?
There is no special location at which a wedding should take place. Many Jewish weddings take place in synagogues but catering halls, restaurants, beautiful outdoor sites, and backyards are all suitable. A backyard wedding often has a certain intimacy which cannot be found in a more institutional setting. In choosing a spot, there are a few considerations to keep in mind. Do you need kosherFit to use or consume under Jewish ritual law. "Kosher" often refers to the food which it is permissible to eat according to Jewish dietary law, but can also mean the suitableness of a Torah scross or mezuzah for proper ritual use. For more on dietary laws, see kashrut. catering and can you have kosher catering at that location? If it is a synagogue, what rules do they impose about weddings? For an outdoor location, think about weather and also older guests – will they be able to get there? Sit comfortably? Have a restroom nearby? What kind of rentals will you have to provide? Do you need a tent? Some couples choose to hold the ceremony in one place and the party in another. The downside of this arrangement is that guests will usually have to drive from one location to the other, interrupting the flow of events, and taking what can be considerable time away from wedding festivities.
Whom to Invite?
Weddings come in all sizes. Jewish law, however, requires a minyanThe group of ten adult Jews needed to read from the Torah and to recite some of the most important communal prayers. In Orthodox communities, a quorum of ten men is traditionally required. Today, most liberal Jewish communities count all Jewish adults as part of a minyan., a minimum of ten Jews, for a wedding to be kosher. In deciding whom to invite, you should think about what kind of events you like and about your budget. Some people invite additional guests to the ceremony but not to the meal to cut down on costs but nevertheless include these people. Some families also hold parties before or after the wedding in other cities so that friends who cannot travel can nevertheless celebrate with the bride and groom.
Special Circumstances
Divorce
If the parents of the bride or groom are divorced, a few accommodations are helpful. It is good to meet with them early on and discuss their needs and concerns so that they can be addressed—do they need to be seated far apart? Will they both walk the bride or groom down the aisle or is it better to have mothers walk the bride and fathers the groom so as not to create discomfort? What will the role of stepparents and stepchildren be? How will the invitation read—often parents names are listed separately—instead of Mr. and Mrs. Smith, or Joan and David Smith, it reads Joan Smith and David Smith.
Non-Jewish Family
In the case of intermarriage or conversion, there will often be non-Jewish family at the wedding who may never have been to a Jewish wedding and who may be uncomfortable with their child’s chosen religion. Talk to them early and often, tell them what to expect, reassure them of your love, and create opportunities for them to participate. Many couples create wedding booklets describing the details of their wedding for all guests. Assuming a clear choice has been made about the religion of the bride and groom, it is perfectly appropriate to incorporate elements from the couple’s culture of origin—a garment, a song, perhaps even a prayer.
Remarriage
If the bride or groom has children from a previous marriage, wedding issues can become more complex. Again, talk to your children, reassure them of your love for them and their primacy in your life, anticipate their concerns about the ceremony and tell them in advance what will happen, and find a role for them. In a remarriage with children, it is not only a new couple that is being created; it is a new family. This will happen in fits and starts but its success will mean everything to the success of your marriage.
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