Each day I grow and expand as a mother
while I watch my own mother
fade.
Alzheimer’s dissolving what
once was
who
once was,
and
still is,
my mother.
She exists now
somewhere between
the land of spirits and
this land of the living.
She’s invited me into this liminal,
this limbo.
Taking my arm and walking me
to the front door to jiggle the knob
and try for the lock
then back to the living room
to adjust the napkin on the coffee table
then on to the kitchen to dance to Barbra, Carly, Donnie, Sonny and Cher, and the Bee Gees
these dancing timelines & portals
dancing memories & histories
are doing their work on me.
Dissolving
& rebirthing me
into someone new.
She’s on hospice now,
my mother,
gone in many ways
yet still here.
Pieces of her,
gliding up toward Gd
while others, stuck here, present in this
confused purgatory.
Such tension.
Such transition upon transition.
These contractions and surges.
She’s in Gd’s womb now,
traveling toward
traveling away from us.
We’re all traversing these thresholds
shared and alone.
As the veil thins and I watch her move through
I sense my own gestation hanging in the balance.
When she dies,
Who will I be on the other side?
