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A Mikveh Immersion Marking My Journey From Estrangement To Embracing Chosen Family

row of people holding hands with arms raised in front of a pool of water reflecting their image
 
This ritual was created with the support of Rabbi Elyse Pincus Abrahams for individuals who are experiencing estrangement from their families.
 

Opening Niggun 

 

Welcome 

(Led by person immersing, explaining how their journey has led them to this moment)
 
(See “My Story” at the bottom of the page for an example.)
 

Priestly Blessing Reading

(Led by chosen family parental figures)

By Rabbi Hara Person, with Liya Rechtman and Rabbi Hilly Haber, 2020

 

Thank you for your gift of self.

I see you.

Thank you for trusting me with your unique truth.

I affirm what you have shared with me.

Thank you for being my teacher.

I am so proud of you.

We are blessed to have you in our family, in our community, and in this world. 

I rejoice in your courageous act of self-affirmation.

You are a revelation.

You are a blessing.

Just as you bless us, 

we bless you with these ancient words

of hope and aspiration from our tradition.

 

יְבָרֶכְךָ יְהוָה, וְיִשְׁמְרֶךָ.

May God bless you and keep you.

May you know that you are a blessing,

created in God’s image.

May you see yourself as a gift,

a link in our ongoing chain. 

 

 יָאֵר יְהוָה פָּנָיו אֵלֶיךָ, וִיחֻנֶּךָּ.

May God’s face shine upon you.

May you feel the radiance of God’s love

as when I first saw your shining face.

May you be enveloped in love,

as when I first looked into your beautiful eyes. 

 

 יִשָּׂא יְהוָה פָּנָיו אֵלֶיךָ, וְיָשֵׂם לְךָ שָׁלוֹם.

And may you always know peace, now and forever.

May you embody the ever-evolving nature of Jacob.

May you have the courage embodied by Miriam.

May you have the resilience shown by Joseph.

May you have the devotion expressed by Ruth and Naomi.

May you experience the love of Jonathan for David.

May you find the models you need to become who you are,

and may that bring you peace, now and forever.

 

Blessings

(Blessings are gathered in advance from those present and those unable to attend which are shared at this time)
 
 

Havdalah

 (Rabbi introduces the ritual of separation and leads a havdalah ceremony)

Introductory Paragraph:

הִנֵּה אֵל יְשׁוּעָתִי אֶבְטַח וְלֹא אֶפְחָד כִּי עָזִּי וְזִמְרָת יָהּ יי וַיְהִי לִי לִישׁוּעָה
וּשְׁאַבְתֶּם מַיִם בְּשָׂשׂוֹן מִמַּעַיְנֵי הַיְשׁוּעָה
לַיי הַיְשׁוּעָה עַל עַמְּךָ בִרְכָתֶךָ סֶּלָה
יי צְבָאוֹת עִמָּנוּ מִשְׂגָּב לָנוּ אֱלֹהֵי יַעֲקֹב סֶלָה
יי צְבָאוֹת אַשְׁרֵי אָדָם בֹּוטֵחַ בָּך
יי הוֹשִׁיעָה הַמֶּלֶךְ יַעֲנֵנוּ בְיוֹם קָרְאֵנו
לַיְּהוּדִים הָיְתָה אוֹרָה וְשִׂמְחָה וְשָׂשֹׂן וִיקָר
כֵּן תְהִיֶה לָנוּ:
כּוֹס יְשׁוּעוֹת אֶשָּׂא וּבְשֵׁם יי אֶקְרָא

Hinei El yeshu’ati, evtach v’-lo efchad. Ki ozi ve-zimrat Yah Adonai , vayhi li liyshu’a. Ush’avtem mayim b’sason mi-ma’y’nei ha-yshu’a. L’Adonai ha-y’shu’a, al amkha virkhatekha selah. Adonai tz’vaot imanu, misgav lanu Elohei Ya’akov selah. Adonai tz’vaot ashrei adam boteakh bach. Adonai hosheea, ha-Melech ya’aneinu b’yom kor’einu. La-Yhudim hayta orah ve-simcha ve-sason viykar, ken tihyeh lanu. Kos yeshu’ot esa uvshem Adonai ekra.

Behold, God is my unfailing help; I will trust in God and will not be afraid. God is strength and song, my Deliverer. With joy shall you draw water out of the wells of salvation. God alone is our help; may God bless His people. God of the universe is with us; the God of Jacob is our protection. There was light and joy; gladness and honor for the Jewish people. So may we be blessed. I will lift the cup of salvation and call upon God’s Name.

Blessing over the wine:

 בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יי אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, בּוֹרֵא פְּרִי הַגָּפֶן

Barukh ata Adonai, Eloheinu Melekh ha-olam, borei peri ha-gafen.

Blessed are You, Adonai our God, Ruler of the universe, Creator of the fruit of the vine.

Blessing over the spices:

בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יי אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, בּוֹרֵא מִינֵי בְשָׂמִים

Barukh ata Adonai, Eloheinu Melekh ha-olam, borei minei v’samim.

Blessed are You, Adonai our God, Ruler of the universe, Creator of many kinds of spices.

Blessing over the flames of the Havdalah candle:

 בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יי אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, בּוֹרֵא מְאוֹרֵי הָאֵשׁ

Barukh ata Adonai, Eloheinu Melekh ha-olam, borei m’orei ha-eish.

Blessed are You, Adonai our God, Ruler of the universe, Creator of the fire’s light.

Concluding blessing: 

 בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יי אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, הַמַּבְדִּיל בֵּין קֹדֶשׁ לְחוֹל, בֵּין אוֹר לְחֹשֶׁךְ, בֵּין יִשְׂרָאֵל לָעַמִּים, בֵּין יוֹם הַשְּׁבִיעִי לְשֵׁשֶׁת יְמֵי הַמַּעֲשֶׂה,  בֵּין קֹדֶשׁ לְחוֹלבָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יי, הַמַּבְדִּיל בֵּין קֹדֶשׁ לְחוֹל

Barukh ata Adonai, Eloheinu Melekh ha-olam, ha-mavdil bein kodesh l’chol, bein or-le’choshekh, bein Yisrael la-amim, bein yom ha-shevi’i l’sheshet y’mai ha-ma’aseh. Barukh ata Adonai, ha-mavdil bein kodesh l’chol.

Blessed are You, Eternal our God, Ruler of the universe, Who distinguishes between the sacred and the profane, between light and darkness, between Israel and other people of the world, between the seventh day and the six days of the week. Blessed are You, Who distinguishes between the sacred and the profane.

 

 

Song “We Shall Be Known” by MaMuse 

We shall be known by the company we keep
by the ones who circle round to tend these fires

We shall be known by the ones who sow and reap
the seeds of change alive from deep within the earth

It is time now
It is time now that we thrive
It is time we lead ourselves into the well
It is time now, and what a time to be alive
In this great turning we shall learn to lead in love
In this great turning we shall learn to lead in love

 

Mikveh Immersion

 (Recite selected affirmations, immerse and say traditional mikvah blessings)
 

First two blessings (except niddah—in the case of niddah only the first blessing is required):

ENTER MIKVEH, TAKE DEEP BREATH, IMMERSE COMPLETELY AND REMAIN UNDER WATER FOR A FEW MOMENTS.

STAND, TAKE A BREATH. AND SAY THE BLESSING:

בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה אֲדֹנָי אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם אֲשֶׁר קִדְּשָׁנוּ בְּמִצְוֹתָיו וְצִוָּנוּ עַל הַטְבִלָה

Barukh atah Adonay Eloheynu melekh ha-olam, asher kidshanu b’mitzvotav v’tzivanu al ha-t’vilah.

Blessed are you, Eternal God, ruler of the universe, who sanctifies us through mitzvot.

DUNK A SECOND TIME!

STAND, TAKE A BREATH, AND SAY THE BLESSING:

בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה אֲדֹנָי אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, שֶׁהֶחֱיָנוּ וְקִיְּמָנוּ וְהִגִּיעָנוּ לַזְּמָן הַזֶּה

Barukh atah Adonay, Eloheynu melekh ha-olam, shehekheyanu, v’kiy’manu, v’higianu, la-z’man ha-zeh.

Blessed is the Eternal, the God of all creation, who has blessed me with life, sustained me, and enabled me to reach this moment.

Third blessing:

The third and final blessing changes depending on the occasion.

 

Prayers

(Sing Shehecheyanu and Oseh Shalom after immersion)
 

Shehecheyanu

בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה, יְיָ אֱלֹהֵינוּ, מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, שֶׁהֶחֱיָנוּ וְקִיְּמָנוּ וְהִגִּיעָנוּ לַזְּמַן הַזֶּה.

Baruch atah, Adonai Eloheinu, Melech haolam, shehecheyanu, v’kiy’manu, v’higiyanu laz’man hazeh.

(Blessed are You, Adonai our God, Sovereign of all, who has kept us alive, sustained us, and brought us to this season.)

Oseh Shalom

Oseh shalom bimromav

Hu ya’aseh shalom aleinu

V’al kol Yisrael

V’imru: amen.

Some say: “v’al kol ha’olam”

עוֹשֶׂה שָׁלוֹם בִּמְרוֹמָיו הוּא יַעֲשֶׂה שָׁלוֹם עָלֵינוּ

וְעַל כָּל יִשְׂרָאֵל

וְאִמְרוּ: אָמֵן.

יש אומרים: ״ועל כל העולם״

Translation:

May the one who creates peace on high bring peace to us and to all Israel. And we say: Amen.

Some say: “And to all the world.”

 

 

My Story

I’ve spent the last 19 years in and out of estrangement with my parents, continuously asking myself, “What is wrong with me?” “Why can’t I fix this?” and “How do I live without them?” The depression, anxiety, pain and fear I constantly felt as I tried to figure out life without the guidance, love and support of my parents has, at many times, been overwhelming. 

Over the years, people have come into my life who have helped me find answers to these questions.

 

Michelle would say “There is nothing wrong with me.”

 

My spiritual director Julie would say “It’s not my fault.”

 

Steve would say “You are so loved”.

 

These will be my kavanot, my intentions, when I immerse in the mikveh at the end of this ritual.

 

While I often say that I am just simply lucky to have good people in my life, I know that I have worked hard to build community wherever I go.

 

There have been so many communities that have held me-

Childhood home: RTOS 

Summer homes- Kutz, BCI

Jobs- AHA, TBS

Schools- Hillel at Binghamton, HUC Certificate Program, JTS/Israel, Hebrew College

Living Communities- Union Theological Seminary’s Women’s Interfaith Residency Program, Barton, 77

 

I think back over the years to the challenges placed in front of me that I didn’t know I could get to the other side of:

-Should I eat dinner in college or buy the books I needed for classes?

-How was I physically going to move my belongings from NYC to Boston without a car?

-Where was I going to live during college breaks?

-How was I going to pay for rent and groceries when I couldn’t find a job after graduating in 2020?

-How was I going to climb out of the pit of depression and suicidal thoughts I experienced during rabbinical school without parental figures to take care of me as I tried to pick up the pieces afterwards?

-Who would be there to celebrate me at my graduations from Binghamton, JTS and Hebrew College?

 

People just kept showing up, and I kept being surprised.

 

During the height of the pandemic during lockdown, I was living at Barton. We went through an entire year together. Thanksgiving that year was a rare one. With no one traveling we created dinner for ourselves. When we sat down around the table, anna went around the room, looked each one of us in the eye and one by one, shared why they were genuinely grateful for each of us, and I thought it was beautiful. 

 

So here I are some things I want to say to each of you:

(I then continued by talking about how each person present in the room has impacted my journey)

 

 

 

 

 

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