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Amidah: Searching For Light

green mountains above a green valley
 
Shabbat Shalom, God.
It has been a rollercoaster week; hope and joy, followed by
darkness and despair, followed by numbness and profound fear
for our future, our daughters’ futures. Light has not yet found
its way to my soul.
 
Emotions are roiling, like a storm building to hurricane status,
settling finally on terror—that sandbags cannot cure—that I will
be unable to provide aegis for my daughter, help her through the
devastating tsunami that is sure to come.
 
Please, God
Send Your angels to us; empower them to help us return to passion
and purpose, let them bring shards of Your holy light to guide us
on a path forward, with love leading the way. Let us eschew anger,
turn away from provocation and the cloak of invisibility.
 
Help us, God
As we regain our power toward good, toward justice, toward peace.
Turn our swords of hatred and vehemence into plowshares, so that
we may sow the seeds of justice, of equality, of security; that one day
soon, we may reap their bounty.
 
Guide us, God
To a place of equanimity, of belief in ourselves, our communities;
to others who are preparing to reclaim our rights and our dignity.
Grant to us the belief, not only in You, but in ourselves, so that
we do not disappear, become invisible, give in, give up.
 
The path is unclear, God
Help us to understand that we may need to forge a new trail, a path
that is as yet unclear, unknown, uncharted; as you did for Abraham
when You bade him lech lecha, to go forward to a place he did not
know, and launched him, lurching, into a new existence.
 
You are the manna, God
Feeding our souls, nurturing us for the struggles we will surely face
along the way. Please, God, stay with us, smile upon us from
time to time, Your warmth like the sun at its apogee. We—I—cannot
do this without Your sheltering presence.
 
We need You, God
Now more than ever before in our lives, we are at a bechira point,
a moral and ethical fork in the road. We can move mountains of
hate and rage, recrimination and retribution, toward détente, and
finally, equality, understanding, and the love we all deserve to feel.
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