Traveling the Mourner’s Path

The KaddishThe Aramaic memorial prayer for the dead. Mourners recite this prayer at every service, every day, in the presence of a minyan (prayer quorum) over the course of a year (for a parent) or thirty days (for a sibling or offspring). The prayer actually makes no mention of the dead, but rather prays for the sanctification and magnification of God's name. prayer binds the generations together. But it also strengthens community ties. The inextricable bonds created by the daily minyanThe group of ten adult Jews needed to read from the Torah and to recite some of the most important communal prayers. In Orthodox communities, a quorum of ten men is traditionally required. Today, most liberal Jewish communities count all Jewish adults as part of a minyan. community became apparent to me soon after I began reciting Kaddish for my father z”l five years ago at my synagogue, Temple IsraelLit. ''the one who struggles with God.'' Israel means many things. It is first used with reference to Jacob, whose name is changed to Israel (Genesis 32:29), the one who struggles with God. Jacob's children, the Jewish people, become B'nai Israel, the children of Israel. The name also refers to the land of Israel and the State of Israel. of Natick, Massachusetts.

Seeing the same familiar faces each day at minyan became a significant part of the healing process. Total strangers soon became friends. Newcomers and old-timers alike, we sensed the presence of God in our holy community. Our small chapel became a sacred space where we embraced, comforted and sustained each other. When members of the minyan disappeared after their period of mourning came to an end, our close-knit group felt their absence.

There is truly never closure because the memory of our dearly beloved will eternally remain with us. However, I decided it was important to acknowledge both the individual’s transition from the mourner’s path and the important role of the minyan community during this spiritual journey.

To do so, I created a ceremony (described below and which has evolved over the years) to mark the end of the Kaddish period. An important part of the ceremony is the presentation of a daily prayer book, engraved with the name of the deceased relative and lovingly autographed on the inside front cover by each member of the minyan.

Leader:

Opens with a passage from Marcia Falk’s The Book of Blessings or other appropriate invocation.

Today, as a holy minyan community we mark the last day that [name] has recited the Kaddish prayer for his/her/their beloved [insert relationship, e.g. father, mother]. By reciting Kaddish and worshipping here as a member of the community of Israel, you have performed chesed shel emet, you have bestowed honor to the memory of your beloved [insert name and relationship, e.g. father, Morris Levy], and expressed an unbroken link with Am Yisrael, and have indeed kept [his/her] spirit alive within our community.

Dear [name], we hope that our sacred community has brought you comfort and healing during this difficult time. Now, may I share with your minyan friends some words that you have shared with me about your beloved [name].

Leader now shares brief but highly personalized remarks about the deceased. Leader may relate this to the weekly TorahThe Five Books of Moses, and the foundation of all of Jewish life and lore. The Torah is considered the heart and soul of the Jewish people, and study of the Torah is a high mitzvah. The Torah itself a scroll that is hand lettered on parchment, elaborately dressed and decorated, and stored in a decorative ark. It is chanted aloud on Mondays, Thursdays, and Shabbat, according to a yearly cycle. Sometimes "Torah" is used as a colloquial term for Jewish learning and narrative in general. portion or something relevant as appropriate.

Presents the siddurLit. Order of prayers. The prayer book..

Leader and Mourner:

(The following is the English version, for the all Hebrew version, see below. *Note: Writers often use Elokei, Elokeinu, etc in respect for G-d’s name, when reciting outloud as prayer, change the k to a hey sound)

  אֱלֹקֵינוּ וְאֶלֹקֵי אֲבוֹתֵינוּ וְאִמּוֹתֵינוּ אֶלֹקֵי אַבְרָהָם אֶלֹקֵי יִצְחָק וְאֶלֹקֵי יַעֲקֹב אֶלֹקֵי שָׂרָה אֶלֹקֵי רִבְקָה אֶלֹקֵי רָחֵל וְאֶלֹקֵי לֵאָה.

Yitgadal v’yitkadash sh’mey rabbah

May we magnify and sanctify the Great Name for now and forever.

וְכֵן יְהִי רָצוֹן

v’Ken y’hi ratzon

May it be Your will.

Amen.

(For those congregations that prefer to include the above prayer in Hebrew.)

אֱלֹקֵינוּ וְאֶלֹקֵי אֲבוֹתֵינוּ וְאִמּוֹתֵינוּ אֶלֹקֵי אַבְרָהָם אֶלֹקֵי יִצְחָק וְאֶלֹקֵי יַעֲקֹב אֶלֹקֵי שָׂרָה אֶלֹקֵי רִבְקָה אֶלֹקֵי רָחֵל וְאֶלֹקֵי לֵאָה.

תָּמַכְתָּ בִּי בַּמַּסָּע הַקָּשֶׁה הַזֶּה הֵבַנְתָּ אֶת כְּאָבִי, נִחַמְּתָּ אוֹתִי, וְחִזַּקְתָּ אֶת אֱמוּנָתִי.

בָּרֵךְ אֶת אַתְּ כָּל הַקָּהָל הַקָּדוֹשׁ הַזֶּה, הָבֵא שָׁלוֹם, לַכֹּל אֵלֶּה שֶׁמִּתְכַּנְּסִים כָּאן לִתְפִלָּה, לְכֹּל אֵלֶּה שֶׁמְאֲרְגְנִים מִנְיָן, לְכֹּל אֵלֶּה שֶׁמְּסַפְּקִים נֶחָמָה וְחִזּוּק, וּבְמַעֲשֵׂיהֶם הַקְּדוֹשִׁים, מְבִיאִים תִּקּוּן עוֹלָם.

  יִתְגַּדַּל וְיִתְקַדַּשׁ שְׁמֵא רַבָּא וְכֵן יְהִי רָצוֹן. אָמֵן. 

Transliteration:

Elokeynu v’elokey avoteynu v’imoteynu elokey Avraham elokey Yitzkhak v’elokey Yaakov elokey Sarah elokey Rivkah elokey Rakhel v’elokey Leah.

Tamakhta bi bamasa hakahal hakadosh hazeh, havey shalom, lakol eleh shemitkansim kan litfilah, l’kol eleh shem’arg’nim minyan, l’kol eleh shem’sapkim nekhamah v’khizook, oo’vma’aseyhem hak’doshim, m’vi’im tikoon olam.

Yitgadal v’yitkadash shmey raba v’khen y’hee ratzon. Amen.

Conclusion

All:

Psalm 121