Though I Am Afraid

Blessed One-ness, I am afraid.

It floats in front of me
So big, and sometimes I can’t see around it,
So small, sometimes I pretend it isn’t there.
I tried to carry it away,
to take care of it
to put it to bed
to soothe myself
But I couldn’t get my arms around it.
It grew and grew,
And I was afraid it would crush me.

It has different shapes
So many, and sometimes I can’t keep track,
Sometimes it’s flat and obvious.
I tried to walk all around it
to see every perspective
to know its entirety
to calm myself
But I couldn’t find every angle.
It expanded and contracted,
And I was afraid it would overwhelm me.

It makes a lot of noise
So loud, and sometimes I can hear laughter,
So quiet, sometimes I can forget I’m listening.
I tried to hear it all
to remember the tunes
to record the cries
to serenade myself.
But I missed most of what it was.
There was just too much,
And I was afraid that I would disappoint.

Blessed One-ness,
Though I am afraid,
Help me imagine possibilities
Within my fear,
Of safety
Of clarity
Of action

Amen.

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