Dear one of mine,
Imagine all the good that there would be, if I could let you grow inside of me…
You’d kick and turn, and make me bloom in ways I’ve never known.
I’d decorate your room and guess the color of your hair.
And when you were born, I would hold you and gaze at you in wonder, in awe.
I would watch you fill your tiny clothes that filled my sweetest dreams.
I could see you stand on tiptoe, stretching bravely, hard as you might to reach the bathroom light.
We could have cuddled as we read the books of childhood, and stormed castles with our sock-puppets and cardboard daggers.
We could have played hide-and-seek through the house, and hugged each other tight when thunder roared.
And I would have heard you laugh as you talked with friends behind your bedroom door.
If only I could let you grow inside of me…
But now, before we ever said hello, we must say good-bye.
O God, hold me through my hurt, through this most awful moment.
Take that which was to have been my baby and clasp her/him close to You, forever.
Be with her/him, God, and be with me.
Excerpt from Tears of Sorrow, Seeds of Hope by Nina Beth Cardin (Woodstock, VT: Jewish Lights Publishing, 1999). Permission granted by Jewish Lights Publishing, PO Box 237, Woodstock, VT 05091.