Hod sh’b’Netzach – Humility of Endurance
The heart broke.
I kept thinking it would get better.
This couldn’t be happening to brilliant me!
I’m smart,
I’m self-aware,
I take care of myself.
Until one day I had to admit
That I was in trouble, deep trouble.
I cried
And I cried out.
It took me so long to ask for help
I pray it isn’t too late.
And when I asked
I received.
Amazing.
But now that I’ve got it
I wish it would go away.
Because my annoying friends will not leave me alone
To wallow in my distress and denial,
And I do so like to wallow.
I am so smart
I am so self-aware
And I have always taken care of myself
Except I can’t right now,
And I am so ashamed.
I am so embarrassed,
To need help.
How can this be me?
Maybe I should just disappear.
But they will not let me go!
It is a revelation
To need help
And receive it,
And at the same time
To learn to give the gift
Of receiving gifts.
And
To do this without shame
If that is possible. (It is not possible.)
And I discover
I am loved.
The heart breaks open
And I am so blessed.
Image by D’vorah Horn from her set of Omer Practice Cards (2016).
