Hineni: A Kavanah for Tisha B’Av

footsteps in sand

I am here, standing in the desert.
I wear heavy clothing that will protect me from bullets,
but not from my hurting heart.
I am here, my breasts filling with milk,
for a baby that is home on the other side of the world.
I am here, silent, while others around me
are complaining.
We have stood here a long time.
They said the bus would come for us.
That was four hours ago.
It is the middle of the night.
No one has come.
So we wait.
I am here, looking down at my boots.
They are tan suede, covered in dust.
My socks are dirty from two days of travel,
bunched up,
hurting my toes.
I am here, turning my head up to see the moon and stars above,
more clearly than I have ever seen them before.
I see into the Universe,
and suddenly feel it.
I know.
I am here, more present than ever before
in my life.
I am here in the desert.
I am here stripped bare.
I am here without my child.
I am here with aching breasts.
I am here dirty,
I am here with a back that hurts,
with sweaty socks,
a body that wants to sleep.
I am here, and nowhere else.
I am here, and I accept it.
I am here and I embrace it.
There is nothing I can do to change it,
I realize I do not want to change it.
This is the journey.

Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on email

Ritualwell content is available for free thanks to the generous support of readers like you! Please help us continue to offer meaningful content with a donation today. 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Related Rituals

Shop Ritualwell - Discover unique Judaica products

The Reconstructionist Network

Reclaiming the Hebrew Goddess and Writing Her Anew

Dive deep into the legacy of the Hebrew goddess! Through thoughtful reflection and inspired creative writing with guided writing prompts, discover where her secrets are hidden and reclaim her for your own. Six sessions starting December 14, 2023.

Get the latest from Ritualwell

Subscribe for the latest rituals, online learning opportunities, and unique Judaica finds from our store.