A Spiritual Humanistic Havdalah For Healing From Difficult Memories of an Old Home

 

1. Grounding at the door

Stand outside the front door.

Feel your feet.

• • Notice the pressure of your feet on the ground.
  • Press your toes gently into your shoes, then your heels.

Orient to the present.

1. • Look around and name quietly to yourself:
     • 3 things you can see
     • 3 things you can hear
     • 3 things you can feel on your skin (breeze, fabric, warmth, etc.)

Regulating breath.

• • Inhale for a slow count of 4, exhale for a slow count of 6.
  • Do this 4 times, letting your shoulders drop a little more on each exhale.

 

Set a clear intention.

• Say softly (or in your own words):
  I am entering this house as I am now.
  I will remember what I need to remember,
  and I will leave behind what I don’t need to carry anymore.
• • Then open the door and go in.

2. Walking the house slowly, with choice

Before setting up the ritual items, give yourself a short, intentional walk through 1–3 key rooms.

In each space:

Orient to what you see now.

• • Gently describe out loud a few neutral details:
    “I see the window. I see the light on the floor. I see the doorframe.”

If memories come up…

1. • Let them be like passing weather:
     “A memory is here. I notice it.”
   • If your distress feels like it’s getting above, say, a 6/10:
     • Look around for 3 colours.
     • Feel your feet again.
     • Take one slower, deeper breath out than in.
     • You’re allowed to step into another room or back outside for a minute.

Offer one sentence of self-compassion.

For example:
What I went through mattered.
I did my best with what I had.
I’m allowed to feel whatever I feel here.

When you’re ready, choose one central place (living room / main room) to set up your ritual.

3. Setting up sacred space.

In that space, lay out:

• Candle in front of you
• Cup of wine/juice to one side
• Spices/herbs nearby

Sit or stand comfortably. Again, feel your feet or the support of the chair. Let your breath lengthen slightly on the exhale.

You might say:

This is the place where I honor what happened here,
and mark my separation from it.
I keep what strengthens me. I release what harms me.

4. The candle and wine – opening words

We light the candle and lift the cup of wine and we say:

The cup of liberation from negativity I shall lift and in the name of healing I shall call.
May there be success for all my matters, for my memories, for my heart, for my capacity to love, for my ability to heal, for my future, for my family, for my relationships and for my communities.
and blessing, and abundance, and success in all our undertakings:
To the Jews there was light, joy and honor, thus may it be for us.

5. Blessing over light and wine

Still holding the cup

Say:

Blessed is the light in life, blessed is the light in the world,
and blessed is the fruit of the vine.

Take one slow breath in, long breath out.

Put the cup down.

6. Spices / herbs – inviting in newness

Pick up the spices or herbs. Smell them slowly, three times.

Smelling the spices or herbs we say:

Blessed is the light in life, blessed is the light in the world, and blessed are the different types of spice.

As you breathe in the scent:

• Imagine that each inhale brings in a little bit of freshness and possibility into your story.
• If painful images arise, see if you can feel both things at once:
  • The old memory
  • And this new, gentle, grounding smell

7. Candlelight on your hands – honoring your body now

Hold your hands so you can see the candle’s light reflected in your palms and fingernails.

Looking at the reflection of light from the candle in our palms and finger nails we say:

Blessed is the light in life, blessed is the light in the world, and blessed are the lights of fire.

As you look at the light on your skin, notice:

• These are the hands that got you through everything that happened here.
• Maybe flex your fingers gently, feel your strength now.

You can add quietly:

These are the hands of the person I am today.
I honour what they have carried.
I choose what they carry forward.

If your body feels tight, roll your shoulders, unclench your jaw a little, take another slow exhale.

8. Sip of wine – marking the boundary

Lift the cup again.

Blessed is the distinction between the sacred and the mundane, between light and darkness, between the day of rest and the weekdays, between the old and the new, between pain and healing, between sickness and health, between what is past and what is yet to come. Blessed is the light in life and blessed is the distinction between the sacred and the mundane.

Take. a sip of wine

You might add a few words of your own:

What was sacred here, I keep with me.
What was harmful here, I release from my body and my story as much as I can today.
I give myself permission to move on.

9. Closing the visit

Blow out the candle slowly, watching the smoke curl up.

Then, if you have the energy, walk once more through the house (or just stand in the central space) and say:

This house holds many stories.
Some are mine and will travel with me.
Some I leave here.
May whoever lives here after me know more safety and joy than I did.
May I step into more safety and joy than I have known before.

At the door, before you leave:

• Touch the doorframe or handle.
• Feel your feet again, take one last long exhale.
• You might say simply:
  I am leaving now. I am allowed to go.

Step out and close the door.

10. Aftercare (important)

After you leave, try to do something gentle and regulating:

• Drink some water or tea
• Eat something grounding
• Wrap yourself in a blanket or scarf
• Text or call someone you trust just to say, “I did it, I’m home now.”

If big feelings keep coming up later, it’s completely okay to talk them through with a therapist or trusted friend. This ritual isn’t about “fixing” everything; it’s about giving yourself a structured, kind way to say goodbye.