This template is a collection of ideas for rituals and/or prayers to incorporate in a Jewish coming-out ceremony.
The Introduction
The person who is coming out assembles and welcomes everybody, announces that this is a coming out ceremony, notes any changes in name or pronouns, and distributes copies of the ceremony instructions that are composed from the below suggestions.
The Ceremony
One or more of the following rituals can be incorporated:
- The person who is coming out will hold up a rainbow flag (or a flag more particular to their gender or sexuality, if preferred) and say:
I am coming out as [insert gender and/or sexuality]. I am showing this flag to display pride in my identity as [insert gender and/or sexuality], and in hopes you will accept me as [insert gender and/or sexuality], as G-d accepts me and asks us to accept each other.
The people respond:
We accept you and pledge to fight [insert homophobia, transphobia, and/or queerphobia], in general and in G-d’s name.
The flag is then passed around for everyone to look at (if there are few enough people to make that reasonable).
- The group invited to the coming out ceremony arranges themselves in a semi-circle, and the person coming out sits or stands in front of them.
The person coming out scribbles on a piece of paper with a pencil, and holds it up so that everyone can see the scribbles. The person then says:
As I erase this scribble, I am also symbolically erasing the closet I have been in, and coming out as [insert gender and/or sexuality].
The person then erases the scribble and holds up the paper again. The person then says:
As this paper has been made free of scribbles, I am now free from the closet, out and proud as [insert gender and/or sexuality].
Blessed are You Eternal Spirit who has given me life, sustained me and allowed me to arrive in this moment.
The group invited to the coming out ceremony replies:
Blessed are You Eternal Spirit who has given us life, sustained us and allowed us to arrive in this moment.
- Bring two candles that will burn for five minutes total [or longer if desired] and a match.
The person coming out says:
As two candles are lit to usher in the Jewish Sabbath, I am lighting these two candles to usher in my new life as an out-of-the-closet [insert gender and/or sexuality] [optionally add “to you”].
Then the person lights the candles.
Then the person says:
As these two candles burn down like Shabbat candles, let us consider ways we can oppose [insert homophobia, transphobia, and/or queerphobia] and promote the acceptance of people who are [insert gender and/or sexuality] both in the Jewish and in the non-Jewish world.
Then everyone bows their heads and considers that as the candles burn down. When the candles have burned down, the person coming out says:
Thank you for coming. Tzeitchem l’shalom, go in peace.
- The person coming out rings a bell and states:
With the ringing of this bell, I come out proudly as [insert gender and/or sexuality] to you.
Then the person rings the bell again and states:
As this bell rings out loudly, may acceptance ring out loudly against [insert homophobia, transphobia, and/or queerphobia] in the Jewish community and in all communities.
Then the people who are assembled say:
We thank you for inviting us to your coming out ceremony. We accept you and pledge to do our best to fight [insert homophobia, transphobia, and/or queerphobia].
Then the person being come out to rings the bell a last time and states:
With the ringing of this bell, I end this coming out ritual with hope and pride.
- The person who is coming out requests that the people assembled arrange themselves in a circle and, if possible, hold hands. The person then states:
As we are connected in this circle, I am connected both to you and to the LGBTQ community. I hereby come out as [insert gender and/or sexuality] and encourage us all to reflect on how G-d has created us all in our different [gender and/or sexual] orientations, for G-d’s glory.
Everyone then is invited to bow their heads and take time for reflection.
After the reflection time is over, the person coming out says:
Blessed are You, Adonai our G-d, Sovereign of all, who has kept us alive, sustained us, and brought us to this season. Let us go in peace.
- This ritual can be done by any group or congregation, in any setting.
The person who is coming out stands in front of the people gathered. The person places down three cups of water, then holds out the first cup of water, saying:
By drinking this water, I symbolize the beginning of my new life openly as [insert gender and/or sexuality].
The person then drinks (or takes a sip from) the cup of water.
The person then puts the first cup down and holds out the second cup of water, saying:
By drinking this water, I thank you for witnessing and accepting my [insert gender and/or sexuality].
The person then drinks (or takes a sip from) the second cup of water.
The person then puts the second cup down and holds out the third cup of water, saying:
By drinking this water, I announce my pride in my [insert gender and/or sexuality].
The person then drinks (or takes a sip from) the cup of water.
The person then says:
I am proud of my [gender and/or sexuality] and proud to share the knowledge of it with all of you. I am also thankful to G-d for this moment. Blessed are you, L-rd our G-d [or Eternal Spirit], Ruler of the Universe who has created me [insert gender and/or sexuality], according to [insert G-d’s pronoun of your choosing] will. Blessed are You, L-rd our G-d [or Eternal Spirit], Ruler of the Universe who sees all coming out ceremonies. Blessed are You Eternal Spirit who has given us life, sustained us and allowed us to arrive in this moment.
The group/congregation then says:
Blessed are you, L-rd our G-d [or Eternal Spirit], Ruler of the Universe, who has created [person’s name] [insert gender and/or sexuality], according to [insert G-d’s pronoun of your choosing] will. Blessed are You, L-rd our G-d [or Eternal Spirit], Ruler of the Universe who sees all coming out ceremonies. Blessed are You Eternal Spirit who has given us life, sustained us and allowed us to arrive in this moment.
- This is a ritual that can be led by anyone, and can be done by a congregation or any other group.
Whoever has been chosen to lead the ritual says:
We are here today because we are privileged to bear witness to [person’s name] coming out in a Jewish coming out ritual.
The person coming out ascends the bima if in a temple/synagogue or if not stands wherever feels comfortable. Then the person coming out says:
It is written in Psalm 139:14, ‘I shall thank You for in an awesome, wondrous way I was fashioned; Your works are wondrous, and my soul knows it very well.’ I also thank G-d for making me [insert gender and/or sexuality], not because it is better than any other [gender and/or sexual] identity, but because it is the identity I was meant to have, and I thank G-d for giving me the ability to come out as [insert gender and/or sexuality].
I see my [gender and/or sexuality] as a blessing, and I want you all to share in that blessing by witnessing what I say now: I, [the person’s name], am proud to be [insert gender and/or sexuality].
Then the congregation/group applauds, and then the congregation/group says:
Blessed are you, Supreme Being Our G-d, Monarch of the Universe, [or Lord our G-d, King of the Universe], who has given [person’s name] the ability to come out as [insert gender and/or sexuality]. May You give [person’s name] the ability to always love and celebrate their [insert gender and/or sexuality] identity.
Blessed are You Eternal Spirit who has given us life, sustained us and allowed us to arrive in this moment.
Alternatively, or in addition, the person coming out can say one of the following prayers, and the assembled group responds:
- I take rightful pride in my identity
as [insert gender and/or sexuality]
and I know the Almighty was right
to create me as such.
…
I know I am privileged to witness
the coming out of this person who is [insert gender and/or sexuality].
I will strive to be worthy of this privilege in my Creator’s eyes
by opposing [insert homophobia, transphobia, and/or queerphobia].
- May I always feel pride and joy
In being [insert gender and/or sexuality]
May I always be thankful to my Creator
For making me so
…
May I always fight for acceptance of [insert gender and/or sexuality]
When they are unwelcome
May I always be grateful the Creator
Has allowed me to witness someone coming out as [insert gender and/or sexuality]
- I thank You
Creator
who saw fit to make me [insert gender and/or sexuality]
and to give me the power
to come out
…
I thank You
Creator
for allowing me the privilege
of having someone come out as [insert gender and/or sexuality] to me
and I pledge to always accept their [gender and/or sexual] orientation
and to fight for its acceptance
as much as I can
- Holy One, You made me
In Your image,
awesomely and wonderfully You made me.
My [gender and/or sexuality] is no less
than a gift bestowed upon me by You.
I thank You for this gift and for the ability
To share the knowledge of it with others.
I stand confident in the knowledge of my identity,
and am proud of my courage to claim it.
…
Holy One, You made [person’s name]
in Your image,
awesomely and wonderfully You made [person’s name].
Their [gender and/or sexuality] is no less
than a gift bestowed upon them by You.
I thank You and [person’s name] for the privilege
to know of this gift.
I stand confident in my acceptance of people who are [insert gender and/or sexuality].
Notes:
Genesis 1:27 includes the statement: “So G-d created humankind in G-d’s own image.”
Psalm 139:13-14 includes the statement “I praise You because I am awesomely [in the sense of inspiring awe] and wonderfully made.“
The Conclusion
To conclude, the person coming out thanks the group for coming and participating in the ceremony and either asks the group to disperse or invites the group to stick around to shmooze depending on the circumstances.
