Tena’im, which translates as “conditions,” is an AshkenazicJew of Eastern European descent. The term also refers to the practices and customs associated with this community, often in contrast to Sephardic (Southern European) traditions. tradition of engagement (Ashkenazic means from Jewish people of Eastern European or Russian descent—like the two of us!). From the 12th to the 19th century, the tena’im ceremony announced that two families had come to an agreement on the marriage of their two children. At the ceremony, the tena’im document, a pre-wedding contract that sets out this agreement, was read out loud, signed and witnessed, and a piece of crockery was smashed to seal the deal. Traditionally, the document set out the terms of the marriage, including the date of the wedding ceremony (huppahMarriage canopy symbolizing the couple's new home.).
Because the tena’im document is not a Jewish legal requirement for a marriage, there are many different customs for creating a personal and meaningful tena’im ceremony and document.
Our Tena’im Document
We have created our own tena’im contract that sets out for us the conditions of our upcoming marriage. As you will hear when the document is read out loud, some of the traditional language of a tena’im document is used, including the announcement of the date and time of our wedding. We have also included conditions that we believe are important for us to have a successful marriage. We have particularly focused on the combination of living a religious Jewish life, while affirming our commitment to openness, inclusiveness, and diversity.
The reading of our tena’im document will be the first public declaration of our intent to be married and officially changes our status to hatan and kallahLit. Bride., groom and bride.
How Will the Ceremony Work?
1. HavdalahLit. Separation A ceremony performed on Saturday night to mark the end of Shabbat and the beginning of the week, using wine, a braided candle, and sweet-smelling spices.
The ceremony will begin with havdalah, the ritual that separates the Sabbath (which begins Friday evening and ends Saturday evening) from the rest of the week. The word havdalah means distinction. A marker is set between holy time and regular time.
Havdalah is a beautiful, sensual ceremony. Blessings are made over wine, spices, and fire and everyone is invited to sip the wine, smell the spices, and watch the fire shed light on their fingers.
We find it particularly fitting to begin our tena’im ceremony with havdalah, as the separation made between ShabbatShabbat is the Sabbath day, the Day of Rest, and is observed from Friday night through Saturday night. Is set aside from the rest of the week both in honor of the fact that God rested on the seventh day after creating the world. On Shabbat, many Jews observe prohibitions from various activities designated as work. Shabbat is traditionally observed with festive meals, wine, challah, prayers, the reading and studying of Torah, conjugal relations, family time, and time with friends. and the rest of the week is also creating a distinction between our time of being single, and our time as hatan and kallah.
2. Reading and Signing of the Tena’im Document
Two guests will read the tena’im document out loud for all to hear. The document will then be signed by the bride and groom and two Jewish witnesses.
3. The Breaking of the Crockery
No tena’im ceremony would be complete without the smashing of a piece of crockery. Ali’s mother-in-law-to-be and Josh’s mother-in-law-to-be will each have a hammer in hand. Together, they will smash a plate. MazelGood fortune, luck, and the Hebrew sign of the Zodiac. Tov!
But why do we break a plate?
A very good question. And of course, as is typical of Jewish thinking, there is more than one answer.
Sources say that the mothers-in-law traditionally break the plate to symbolize that the childhood home as it once was, no longer exists. A new, combined family is created. The bride and groom’s new home is symbolized by the huppah at the wedding ceremony itself.
Other sources say that the breaking of the plate foreshadows the breaking of the glass that happens at the end of the wedding ceremony. Both of these symbolic acts remind us that even at our times of greatest happiness, we must still remember the suffering and destruction in the world. We remember, in particular, the destruction of the Temple in JerusalemLit. City of peace From the time of David to the Roman destruction, Jerusalem was the capital of Israel and the spiritual and governmental center of the Jewish people. During the long exile, Jews longed to return to Jerusalem and wrote poems, prayers, and songs about the beloved city. In 1967, with the capture of the Old City, Jerusalem was reunited, becoming "the eternal capital of Israel." Still, the longing for peace is unfulfilled.. The breaking of the plate reminds us that we must take responsibility to heal the world.
Finally, our own explanation is that the mothers-in-law smashing the crockery with their hammers symbolizes the strength of women in Jewish tradition and Jewish marriage.
Once the plate is broken, please join us in a hora to celebrate the new hatan and kallah!
“Od Yishama” is the musical centerpiece of the traditional Jewish wedding.
Od Yishama b’harei Y’hudah
U-vehutzot Y’rushalayim
Kol sasson v’kol simkhahA happy occasion. Usually describes a celebration for a life cycle event (birth, wedding, etc.).
Kol hatan v’kol kallah!
Again it will be heard in the cities of Judea,
And in the streets of Jerusalem,
The Voice of Joy and the Voice of Gladness
The Voice of the Groom and the Voice of the Bride!
