Cars can be major parts of our lives. They are our transport to and from work, study, and play. We use them to explore and to manage tasks of daily living. They are accessibility devices and can be symbols of freedom, independence, adventure, and wealth. Sometimes, saying goodbye to a car comes as part of another life transition, like a growing family or a new home. Other times, the car has been in an accident and saying goodbye is associated with pain, stress, anxiety, and uncertainty. This ritual is designed to be of flexible length and tone, and for any number of people, accommodating a range of situations.
If relevant: Seeing the car for the first time after the accident. Usually, this will take place in an impoundment or tow lot. Though it can be rushed, try to take what time you can. Take a picture of the car in its place. Notice any damage to the car and take a few deep breaths before moving on.
Clean out the car. Pull everything that you can out of the car, even digging into pockets and under seats. Collect all items, ensuring that anything of value, financial or sentimental, is removed from the car, including license plates and toll passes. If you have time, you may also want to throw out trash to leave the car cleaner than it was when you came.
Do a final walk around the car. As you walk, place your hand on the car. You may wish to rest it on specific parts of the car (windshield, door handle, bumper sticker, etc.) or to trail your hand lightly across the surface of the car as you walk. As you walk, give word to your feelings. For example, you might say:
“I feel sad to be saying goodbye.”
“Thinking of all the adventures we’ve had in this car makes me smile.”
“It’s scary to remember the accident.”
“This car felt like a member of our family, and I’ll miss it.”
Share memories of the car. Reflect on moments and memories with the car. These could be positive, negative, or neutral memories. You may want to consider places you’ve been with the car, weather conditions you’ve experienced, people who have traveled with you in the car, etc.
Express gratitude for the car. Consider which of your values the car helped you live out, and what your favorite things about the car are/were. If the car was totaled in an accident, you may wish to express gratitude for the ways in which the car protected you or your loved ones. For example, you might say:
“Thank you for saving my life.”
“Thank you for being a good car.”
“Thank you for helping me be more environmentally friendly.”
“Thank you for being such a good teammate when we moved apartments. We couldn’t have done it without you!”
“Thank you for enabling us to visit my parents so often.”
Mark the end of your time with the car. Consider reciting one of the suggested texts. Take a last, deep breath in sight of the car. You may wish to whisper a last goodbye.
When there is time to go through the items. This can happen before you say your final goodbye or up to several days later. Separate out a handful of sentimental items and lay them down. Take a few deep breaths. Verbalize what each item is and share a memory or appreciation. Consider reciting one of the suggested texts. If transferring the items to a new car, do so one at a time. As you place each item into its new home, share a wish or intention. For example, you might say:
“May this dashboard figurine make me smile as much in this new car as it did in the old.”
“The lucky penny in my glove compartment will always remind me of my dad.”
“This backseat mirror helps me stay connected with my son – I’m sure we’ll have many more car rides to help him fall asleep!”
Suggested Readings
Say/Sing:
מִן-הַמֵּצַר, קָרָאתִי יָּהּ, עָנָנִי בַמֶּרְחָב יָהּ.
Min hameitzar, karati Yah, annani vamerchav Yah.
Out of the straits I called upon the Divine; G-d answered me with great expansiveness.
יְהוָה לִי, לֹא אִירָא, מַה-יַּעֲשֶׂה לִי אָדָם
Adonai li, lo ira – mah ya’aseh li adam.
G-d is on my side, I have no fear; what can man do to me?
Blessings:
בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה אֲדֹנָי מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם הַטּוֹב וְהַמֵיטִיב
Barukh atah adonay eloheynu melekh ha-olam, ha-tov v’hameytiv.
Blessed are You, oh Lord, our God, King of the universe, who is good and bestows good.
בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה אֲדֹנָי אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, שֶׁהֶחֱיָנוּ וְקִיְּמָנוּ וְהִגִּיעָנוּ לַזְּמָן הַזֶּה
Barukh atah adonay eloheynu melekh ha-olam shehekheyanu vi-kimanu vi-higiyanu la-z’man ha-zeh.
Blessed are You, YHVH, our God, King of the universe, who has allowed us to live, has preserved us, and has enabled us to reach this season.
Car as symbol of protection:
Psalm 18:36 תִּתֶּן־לִי מָגֵ֢ן יִ֫שְׁעֶ֥ךָ וִֽימִינְךָ֥ תִסְעָדֵ֑נִי וְֽעַנְוַתְךָ֥ תַרְבֵּֽנִי׃
Titen-li magen yish’echa vimin’cha tis’adeini v’anvat’cha tarbeini.
You have given me the shield of Your protection;
Your right hand has sustained me,
Your care has made me great.
Car as symbol of freedom:
Psalm 18:20 וַיּוֹצִיאֵ֥נִי לַמֶּרְחָ֑ב יְ֝חַלְּצֵ֗נִי כִּ֘י־חָ֥פֵֽץ־בִּֽי׃
Vayotzi’eini lamerchav yichal’tzeini ki-chofetz-bi.
It brought me out to freedom;
It rescued me, indeed, it delighted in me.
Psalm 18:37 תַּרְחִ֣יב צַעֲדִ֣י תַחְתָּ֑י וְלֹ֥א מָ֝עֲד֗וּ קַרְסֻלָּֽי׃
Tar’chiv tza’adi tachtai v’lo ma’adu karsulai.
You have let me stride on freely;
my feet have not slipped.
After an accident that involves the loss of the car:
Psalm 18:5:
אֲפָפ֥וּנִי חֶבְלֵי־מָ֑וֶת וְֽנַחֲלֵ֖י בְלִיַּ֣עַל יְבַֽעֲתֽוּנִי -…
יִשְׁלַ֣ח מִ֭מָּרוֹם יִקָּחֵ֑נִי יַֽ֝מְשֵׁ֗נִי מִמַּ֥יִם רַבִּֽים׃
Ofafuni chevlei-mavet v’nachalei vihliya’al yiva’atuni,
Yishlach mimarom yikacheini yam’sheini mimayim rabim.
Ropes of Death encompassed me;
torrents of Belial terrified me;
Psalm 18:17:
יִשְׁלַח מִמָּרוֹם יִקָּחֵנִי יַמְשֵׁנִי מִמַּיִם רַבִּים׃
Yishlach mimarom yikacheini yam’sheini mimayim rabim.
He reached down from on high and took me;
And drew me out of the mighty waters;
Psalm 18:32:
כִּ֤י מִ֣י אֱ֭לוֹהַּ מִבַּלְעֲדֵ֣י יְהֹוָ֑ה וּמִ֥י צ֝֗וּר זוּלָתִ֥י אֱלֹהֵֽינוּ׃
Ki mi eloha mibal’adei Adonai umi tzur zulati eloheinu.
Truly, who is a god except the LORD,
who is a rock but our God?—
Behind the Wheel, by Janet Wong
Forget kindergarten,
Sharing.
Everything you need to know
you learn right here
Behind the wheel.
Watch out for the other guy.
Keep your eye on your rear.
Thank the old lady who lets you in.
Don’t steal someone else’s spot.
When you rush to park and
end up hopeless, crooked –
just start over.
If one has survived a harrowing experience, it is customary to recite Birkat HaGomel with a community during the next Torah service.
Recite: בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה ה’ אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם הַגּוֹמֵל לְחַיָּבִים טוֹבוֹת שֶׁגְּמָלַנִי כָּל טוֹב
Barukh ata Adonai, Eloheinu melekh ha-olam, ha-gomel l’chayavim tovot she-g’malani kol tov.
Blessed are You, Lord our God, ruler of the world, who rewards the undeserving with goodness, and who has rewarded me with goodness.
Congregation responds: מִי שֶׁגְמַלְךָ כֹּל טוֹב הוּא יִגְמַלְךָ כֹּל טוֹב סֶלָה
Mi she-g’malkha kol tov, hu yi-g’malkha kol tov selah.
May he who rewarded you with all goodness reward you with all goodness for ever.
