We Jews love our candles. ShabbatShabbat is the Sabbath day, the Day of Rest, and is observed from Friday night through Saturday night. Is set aside from the rest of the week both in honor of the fact that God rested on the seventh day after creating the world. On Shabbat, many Jews observe prohibitions from various activities designated as work. Shabbat is traditionally observed with festive meals, wine, challah, prayers, the reading and studying of Torah, conjugal relations, family time, and time with friends. candles. HavdalahLit. Separation A ceremony performed on Saturday night to mark the end of Shabbat and the beginning of the week, using wine, a braided candle, and sweet-smelling spices. candles. HanukkahThe holiday which celebrates the rededication of the Temple in Jerusalem following its conquest by the Syrians in 165 BCE. The holiday is celebrated by lighting candles in a hanukiyah oon each of eight nights. Other customs include the eating of fried foods such as latkes (potato pancakes) and sufganiot (jelly donuts), playing dreidl (a gambling game with a spinning top), and, in present day America, gift giving. candles. Yizkor candles. Yahrzeit candles. For many of them it is about the beauty of light illuminating our world and lives, but not enough to read by. But that does not really track for yizkor candles or yahrzeit candles. I get yizkor candles; they last for 7 days, for the shivaSeven-day mourning period following the funeral of a first-degree relative, during which time family members remain at home and receive visits of comfort. Other customs include abstinence from bathing and sex, covering mirrors, sitting lower than other visitors, and the lighting of a special memorial candle which burns for seven days. period, so almost like a time tracker. But yahrzeit candles, which are lit once a year on an anniversary of a death, those flames are just like any other candles, but they feel WAY different.
We take a moment to remember our loved ones – as if we are not remembering them all the time anyway – and light a candle to note the anniversary of their death as we say the Mourner’s KaddishThe Aramaic memorial prayer for the dead. Mourners recite this prayer at every service, every day, in the presence of a minyan (prayer quorum) over the course of a year (for a parent) or thirty days (for a sibling or offspring). The prayer actually makes no mention of the dead, but rather prays for the sanctification and magnification of God's name.. Just like the flame which lasts for 24 hours, I go back and forth, especially when it is the yahrzeit candle for my dad. Part of me feels the beauty it brings with the time to remember him. At the same time, the light feels futile. Small. Inconsequential when I think about my dad’s life and the impact he had on me. At the same time, it feels good to have a specific moment to name him aloud and know that other family members are doing the same thing at that moment. At the same time, it feels like a short amount of time to sit and remember him, especially when I try to do it frequently. At the same time, it feels different than his birthday or his Gregorian death date – a specifically Jewish observation.
As all these thoughts are all swirling through my head and heart, it looks as if the flame is dancing to the music of my thoughts. After saying the prayer, I move on to making dinner or putting my kids to bed, I still know that the candle is lit on my countertop, just like my dad’s memory never goes far from me.
I cannot help but equate that flame with my dad’s life – or maybe the end of his life. After 24 hours, the flame is fighting to stay lit. It is flickering more dramatically, and I can feel the pain of my dad’s loss as his life wavered in his last moments. Then the flame goes out and a wisp of smoke rises to the ceiling before it disappears forever. But my dad’s memory does not disappear forever, instead, it continues to be ingrained upon my heart and mind. And just like that wisp of smoke, it does not disappear, it just feels like it integrates into every fiber of my being. You cannot see it, but it is there.
Maybe this is the meaning of the yahrzeit candle. At least, that is what I need it to be right now.
